Maybe Forgiveness is Right Where You Fell
by Avila Grace
Summary: At age 17, Lorelai Gilmore got pregnant. However, things didn't turn out the way she might have wanted. She wanders through life looking for someone to take her pain away. Will she ever find her savior?
1. Only True Friends Give Away Their Coffee

A/N: This is going to be different than anything you've read before (at least I hope so). I know that the characters are out of context, it's on purpose. I just want to paint a different kind of story, so please don't review and tell me the characters are OOC, as I wrote them that way. I wrote this story with Christian undertones on purpose. I wanted to explore what it would be like if Lorelai had the morals instilled in her by the church and how she would feel if something like this "accidentally happens". I wanted to see how her friendships would take place, and how her relationship with her parents would take place if that was the center of it. This is the way I think it would happen. The story may seem sad, and it may seem pessimistic, but I promise, it won't always be that way. I wanted to write a story that would challenge me as an author, and would challenge my readers, and I think I'm doing that with this story. Review and tell me what you think, be it negative, positive, whatever. I do want to know. It helps me dictate what my readers want so I can write to my audience better. Thanks, and enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own my character's actions, thoughts, and their lives. I don't own their names. This may be a Gilmore Girls fanfic, but it is all mine except for the names of certain characters, some of the plot line, and the towns of Hartford and Stars Hollow (which, as far as I know, don't belong to ASP either).

* * *

Lorelai stood in front of the full-length mirror, smoothing out her skirt and straightening her top. She preferred jeans and a t-shirt any day of the week, but she understood her parents' reasoning in dressing up for church. She wouldn't admit it, but sometimes she liked dressing up. She felt beautiful when she did, almost as if she stepped out of a fantasy. She grabbed her brush and smoothed it through her dark brown hair, letting a few curls bunch up by the sides of her face. She pursed her lips and put on some lip gloss. Taking a step back, she admired herself in the mirror. _Man, Lorelai, _she thought. _You almost look decent today. Too bad that shirt is a little too wrinkled. At least your thighs don't look huge. _She sighed. Why must she always bring herself down the way she did. A horrible thought came to her mind, _What if my "fat days" are really my normal days… And the days where I look normal are really my "skinny days". What if I really do look like an elephant?_

Lorelai was interrupted from her thoughts by a slight tap at the door. "Loreali," her father said, "It's time to go. We're going to be late. The service starts at 10."

"Okay dad," Lorelai said, grabbing her purse. She didn't mind church all that much. She'd grown up going. She liked the music, and the pastor wasn't too horribly long with his sermons. Besides, she loved her friends there. There were over ten high school kids and she got along well with all of them. Well, she got along particularly well with one of them: Christopher Hayden.

She opened the door. "Why, Lorelai, you look quite beautiful," her father said.

"Yes, and appropriately dressed," her mother added. Lorelai couldn't help but laugh at her parents' subtle hints.

"Thanks Mom, Dad." She said. "I aim to please."

The Gilmores hurried out the door and got in their car to start the short ride over to the church they attended. Lorelai gazed aimlessly out the window. Part of her was focused on the weather, but mostly she was focused on him. Christopher. She loved him with all her might, and even more surprisingly, her parents loved him. Everyone at church thought they were perfect for each other. Even their youth minister, who normally discouraged dating within the group, was fond of Lorelai and Christopher's relationship.

When they arrived at church, Lorelai quickly found a seat next to her two best friends, Laura and Lydia. They grinned as she approached them, and she quickly scanned the sanctuary for Chris. She found him a few rows up with his parents and when he glanced back, she smiled and lifted her hand in a small wave. He smiled back and then turned around.

Throughout the service, Lorelai tried to focus. She sang all the songs, and meant the words she sang. She listened to the pastor as he talked about redemption and salvation. She'd heard this sermon before, but she tried to pay close attention. Her parents had always told her that she could always get something new out of his sermons, even if she'd heard them before. About twenty minutes into it she became disinterested and noticed a note that Laura had written on the side of her bulletin with the small pencil she'd found in the pew in front.

Lorelai smiled and passed notes with Laura throughout the sermon. By the middle of the sermon, they'd decided where to go for lunch, who was going to host the youth Superbowl party, and where Lorelai should make Christopher take her on her next date. Lorelai smiled as she thought about Christopher. She looked over at Laura and scribbled down a note on the piece of paper.

_If I tell you something, promise you won't get mad or upset or judge me or anything._

Laura wrinkled her forehead. _Of course not. _She wrote fast. _What's going on?_

Lorelai exhaled. _Christopher and I had sex the other night… We didn't mean to, it just kind of happened…I'm not sure what I think about it._

Laura stared at the piece of paper for a minute. She wrote something and scribbled it out. She finally handed Lorelai the piece of paper back. _What do you mean?_

_I liked it, you know? I love Christopher, I know I do… But I know this is wrong… And I feel guilty…I mean, you remember the whole fireplace analogy Pastor Mark always uses. Sex is like fire and marriage is like a fireplace. The fire is wonderful when it's inside the fireplace but once it leaves the fireplace it causes all sorts of problems._

Laura nodded. _Are you okay though? You're not pregnant or anything? You were safe?_

Lorelai nodded. _I'm not pregnant. I mean, he used a condom and I take birth control for my period already… We should be pretty safe._

Laura wrote after thinking for a minute. _Hey, since lunch is with everyone, let's go out to coffee. Me, you, and Lydia. We can talk about this. I'm sure it would make you feel a little better._

Loreali smiled and patted her friend's leg. Laura reached over and squeezed Lorelai's hand. "It's going to be okay, Lor," she whispered. Lorelai nodded, but she still couldn't shake the feeling inside of her that it would never really be okay.

Lorelai sat at the Starbucks in Hartford, Lydia and Laura across from her. She still hadn't told Lydia what was going on, but she knew that Lydia was aware something was out of place. Laura kept looking at Lorelai as if to tell her to start talking, but Lorelai just didn't know where to start. Lydia decided to start for her.

"Okay Lor, I love having coffee with you girls, but we all know that going out for coffee is more a comfort food and dish time than anything else. What's going on?"

Lorelai took a deep breath. "I slept with Christopher."

Lydia's mouth dropped open a little. "You mean like slept with Christopher under the stars with a tent right?" When Lorelai shook her head, Lydia nodded. "That's what I thought…"

Lorelai looked at them, "I feel awful. We both do. I mean, it was fun while it lasted but as soon as we got over that high we both felt so guilty. It's eating up at me, guys…"

Lydia and Laura both looked at her. Lorelai looked at them. They nodded for her to continue. "I mean, we've been told since we were three not to have sex before we're married and that it separates us from God and I don't know guys… All of those old ladies in church was right. It absolutely ruins everything…" Lorelai let a tear run down her cheek. "I mean, there's this whole guilt thing between Chris and I… But there's also this whole new level of love and obsession that was never there before. My mind just constantly goes back to it…"

Lydia and Laura nodded as Lorelai drunk her coffee at an alarming rate. Laura gently pushed her own coffee over to Lorelai. Lorelai looked at her incredulously, but Laura only nodded. Lorelai smiled and brought the coffee to her lips, thankful to have true friends like Laura and Lydia.

"What are you going to do?" Lydia asked.

"I don't know," Lorelai confessed. "How do I get over this?"

"I think," Lydia started, trying to be careful with her words so as not to hurt her friend. "I think you might need to take a break with Christopher. I know you love him, but if you're feeling guilty about this now and it's only been once, imagine how you'll feel after the second or third time… And you've already done it, so it'll be harder for you to stop yourself next time."

"I know," Lorelai replied.

"I think it might be best," Laura said. "Just for now. Later, you can get back together with him. But I think you both need to work this out on your own and come to grips with how you feel."

Lorelai nodded.

"How did it happen?" Lydia asked, touching Lorelai's hand softly.

"I don't even know," Lorelai confessed. "It just did… I mean, we were sitting on the couch watching a movie and all of a sudden we were kissing and then we were upstairs in his bed and then we were naked and then I was sore… I'm not even sure what happened. It was like one minute I was perfectly fine and the next minute…

"I'm a horrible person," Lorelai said after a moment, putting her head in her hands. Laura and Lydia murmured soft no's. They got up and put their arms around their friend, trying to console her.

"You know we love you," Laura said.

"We're always here for you," Lydia agreed.

Lorelai smiled. "I know. Only true friends give away their coffee."

Lorelai let the phone ring two or three times. _Christopher, please pick up… I'm not sure I could do this later… _Lorelai silently tapped her foot against the side of the bed. _Damn it, Christopher… Please…_

"Hey," Christopher's voice came on the line.

"Hi," Lorelai sounded surprised and hurt all at the same time. "What are you doing?"

"Not much," Christopher said. "Reading. What's up?"

"We need to talk," Lorelai said softly into the receiver.

"About the other night." Christopher half-asked, half-stated.

Lorelai nodded as if he could see her on the other end. He waited for her to answer and then finally figured that her silence was enough of an answer.

"Where should I meet you?" Christopher asked. He knew better than to recommend that they meet at one of their houses. Both of their parents had gone out with other friends after church, and they both knew being alone together wasn't the best idea.

"The park," Lorelai said. "I mean, the one by my house. I'll see you in twenty minutes."

Lorelai hung up and slipped on her shoes. She looked at herself in the mirror. _Gosh, Lorelai, did someone just die? He's going to know something's up just by looking at how red your eyes are. _She quickly wiped them and grabbed her jacket. She walked the short road to the park, all the while wanting to turn back yet knowing she was unable to. Hands in her pocket, she stared down at the ground, counting her steps. _1, 2, 3, 4. 1, 2, 3, 4. God I can't do this. 1, 2, 3, 4. 1, 2, 3, 4. _She looked up to see him sitting on the bench, two water bottles next to him. Her heart melted as she saw him, and she could feel the tears stinging her eyes and the dagger thrust into her heart.

She sat next to him and said nothing. He looked straight ahead at the kids playing on the swing. Neither of them really wanted to talk about what had happened. They both knew they had screwed up. But they both knew they'd enjoyed screwing up. Neither wanted to hurt the other's feelings, yet they both felt at fault. If she hadn't kissed him as passionately… If he'd had the power to say no, even when she said yes.

"Chris," Lorelai started, staring straight ahead. She could feel him almost tense next to her. "I don't think we can do this anymore."

"I know, Lorelai. It's wrong. We shouldn't have done it anyway." He stopped for a minute, "I mean, I liked it and everything. I really did… but we just can't."

"No, Chris," she said, her voice shaky. "I mean, we need to take a break."

He looked at her, his eyes a mixture of misunderstanding and anger.

"I love you, but I'm scared. I'm scared if I keep spending time with you, I'll lose my strength again and we'll just keep hurting each other… I don't want to live like this, Chris." She let her words hang in the air softly. His breathing became faster and heavier. She knew he was upset and angry. She would be too. He probably thought she'd just taken him for what he was worth and let him pick up the pieces of guilt and regret after she had gotten her hour of pleasure.

"Okay, Lorelai." Chris said softly. "Whatever you need. I'm here if you need me, okay?" She looked at him. She'd never loved him more than she did right then. Tears welled up in her eyes and she let them fall down her cheeks. He pulled her close and just held her there until she managed to stop crying. When she had, he got up and hugged her and said goodbye. She put her hands in her pockets and walked home much the same way she had before. She enjoyed the crisp feeling against her face normally, but today it was just a reminder of how cold and bitter the world was. Her feet didn't seem to move fast enough as she nearly ran home. All she wanted to do was crawl into bed and let the world disappear. With one act she had lost everything: Her innocence, her purity, and worst of all, the one person she loved more than anyone else.


	2. The Repulsive Teacher

A/N: Thanks guys for reviewing! I'm glad you like it so far! I have some interesting ideas (meaning I know how I'm going to end the story, but that's it). I really love getting reviews because they help me cater to my readers and ultimately they make your reading a bit more enjoyable. Thanks!

Disclaimer: I own the idea, a few people, nearly all of the quotes, but nothing else. I mean honestly, only ASP could come up with the name Lorelai. She's brilliant.

* * *

Lorelai opened her locker door and threw her books inside. She grabbed her Spanish book and turned around straight into Lydia.

"Loreali, what's wrong? You look angry." Lydia stated, a concerned look on her face.

"I can't stop throwing up when I get to Math class. I swear, I've thrown up every day since last Wednesday. I don't know what my problem is. And the whole class just looks at me and laughs like I'm some sort of mental person and Mr. Carter thinks I'm playing a joke so I can leave the room."

"Maybe you should tell him that if he'd actually put his toupee on his head in the right place, you wouldn't be so repulsed." Lydia giggled and Lorelai smiled over at her.

"Yeah. Did you see it today? It was hanging over the left side of his head. It seriously looked like it was going to fall off. I wish somebody would tell the poor man that toupees go in the center of your head and are meant to cover your bald spots, not the spots with hair."

Lydia laughed. "Yeah. Honestly, though, why do you think he got a different color? I mean, his hair is blond so he gets a brown toupee?"

"Maybe his wife was having an affair with Carlos the pool boy and he figured she liked the brunettes." Lorelai offered. "Or maybe it was on sale." Lydia giggled at all of her suggestions and opened the door to their Spanish room.

"Here, now you can go from being repulsed by a wannabe pool boy to a wannabe salsa dancer." Lorelai peeked inside and laughed. There was her teacher, Ms. Perez, wearing a salsa dancing outfit. Her hair was done up in flowers and the red dress was tight against her skin. Lorelai wasn't sure she ever wanted to see a dress as tight against Ms. Perez's skin.

She took her seat next to Lydia and whispered in Lydia's ear. "Yow, someone call the fire department because Perez is sizzlin'."

Lydia laughed. "Maybe we should just soak her down with that Super Soaker. Put the fire out ourselves." Lorelai grinned and looked up at the Super Soaker hanging on Ms. Perez's wall. She had it for those kids that slept during her class. She'd take it off the wall, stand in front of their desk, and squirt them until they sat up. When they did, she'd interrogate them for a few minutes, give them one last squirt, and make them summarize her lecture. Lorelai would know. She'd been sleeping in Perez's class since the first day of Spanish 1 her freshman year. Now, as a junior, she knew that she would go down in history. Maybe she'd even get a senior superlative: Most Soaked by Perez. She pictured it. It looked nice. It would be one of those silly categories that she would win.

As the bell rang she could tell it was going to be an interesting class. Ms. Perez had brought her boom box with her to school and was playing Salsa music in the background. As she talked, Lorelai found that for the first time in two years she could actually pay attention. When Perez started dancing the salsa dance with a kid in the front row named Adam, Lorelai was both awed and more repulsed by this than anything else.

Lydia leaned over and whispered in her ear. "Repulsed? Because I am…"

Lorelai shook her head no. "It's only Carter. Seriously."

"Weird," Lydia replied, sinking into her seat a little more.

Lorelai sat on the swing at the park, Lydia and Laura swinging next to her. They'd walked home after school and got a quick snack, but eventually they always found themselves at the park. No matter how old they got, they loved the park. They'd met there when they were just toddlers. Lorelai liked the sandbox; Laura liked the baby swings, and Lydia liked everything. They became playmates, and then when Lorelai's parents started going to church with her when she was young, they'd been surprised to find Laura and Lydia there. They'd been inseparable ever sense.

"Hey, let's see who can jump the farthest!" Laura randomly exclaimed. All three girls grinned and began pumping their legs as fast as they can. On the count of five, they jumped off the swing and rolled into each other. Lorelai was the farthest by a hair, but that was only because she was in the middle and didn't have to roll as much. They all grinned and just lied in the grass, heads against each others and hair a mass. They giggled and looked up at the sky, taking in the clouds. They each tried to figure out the hidden picture in the cloud, laughing.

"Look! That one's a clown!" Laura pointed up at one of the clouds. Lydia giggled and looked up.

"No, it's a frog." The others were quiet and looked up at the blue sky for a long time.

"Okay, it's definitely a clown." Laura said. "I don't see a frog. I don't even see a tadpole."

"It's there." Lorelai pouted.

"Hey, is our biology project due tomorrow?" Lydia asked.

"Huh?"

"Our bio project. Is it due tomorrow?"

"Crap." Laura and Lorelai said in unison. "I completely forgot about that. We should probably go do it, huh?"

"I am a fan of not failing, yes." Lydia replied and got up, helping her friends to their feet. They linked arms and skipped home like they were in The Wizard of Oz.

Lorelai opened the front door to her house and they all went upstairs to her room. Lorelai pulled out all of the supplies they'd bought a few weeks earlier and laid it out on her floor. She handed Lydia the book to read while she and Laura tried to come up with ideas for their project. It had to have something to do with development. Anything to do with development.

Lorelai began thinking about children. First words. First steps… No… Pregnancy? No… She didn't know what to do.

"Hey Lor, do you have a tampon?" Lydia asked, wandering into her bathroom.

"Yeah, in the cupboard." Lorelai stopped herself for a moment and glanced at the calendar on the wall. It was January 27th. It had been over a month and a half since she'd last gotten her period. She felt panic rising within her. She couldn't possibly be pregnant. It had only been one time. They'd used protection. Lots of protection.

"I'll be right back," she said quietly to Lydia and wandered into her mother's bedroom. She scrimmaged through her mother's cabinets, looking for something. She didn't know why she thought her mother would have one, but her mother did. She pulled it out and read the directions carefully five or six times. She took the test and leaned against the door, waiting.

She heard a tap on the door. "Lor, you okay in there?" Lydia's voice called. "You've been in here for like five minutes."

Lorelai opened the door and looked at her friend. Laura came up behind her and looked over at the counter and just stared. Lydia glanced over and stared at the test.

"What does it say?" Laura asked hesitantly. Lorelai shrugged and slowly made her way over to the test. Picking the test up in her hands, she looked at it. She fell to the ground, looking straight ahead at the wall. Laura and Lydia quickly sat down beside her and put their arms around her. Lorelai cried until she was sure there were no more tears left in her body. She had made one mistake. Just one. And now she was going to live with it for the rest of her life.


	3. Running Away

A/N: I just want to reinforce that all of these characters are OC on purpose. Please don't review telling me they are, I know. Please do review, though! I love hearing what you guys have to say.

Disclaimer: Still don't own 'em.

* * *

Lorelai hid under the blue and white covers of her bed, afraid to come out. Lydia and Laura had gone to Lydia's house three hours ago, leaving Lorelai to be alone with her thoughts. She had stayed in her bed through her favorite television shows, through dinner, and through three telephone calls, refusing to come out. She knew her parents were wondering about her, but she couldn't bring herself to go downstairs and tell them. She knew she would break their hearts.

There was a slight tap on the door when her mother entered. "Lorelai, I thought you might be hungry so I brought you some soup."

Lorelai's answer was muffled under the covers. "No thanks, Mom."

"Pie?" her mother said. Suddenly Lorelai could smell the blueberry pie her mother was holding. She could taste it in her mouth. But her stomach was turning and she was too depressed, even for her favorite food. She simply shook her head, and when the covers went back and forth, Emily became concerned.

Emily sat down next to the clump on her daughter's bed. "Lorleai, sweetheart, talk to me…" Lorelai was silent. "Is it Christopher?" her mother sounded genuinely concerned.

"Kind of," Lorelai replied dryly.

"Lorelai, please, tell me. I'll help you."

"I'll break your heart." Lorleai said softly.

Emily pulled the covers off of Lorelai's face and looked at her daughter. "Never."

"I'm pregnant, Mom." Lorelai said shakily and then disappeared under the covers, tears cascading down her face.

Emily stared at the covers for a minute, her mind turning. Her baby girl was pregnant at sixteen. She was upset, disappointed, a little bit angry. But mostly, she was sad. She was sad for her only daughter. Lorelai was the apple of her eye. She was by far the most important thing in the world to Emily, and here she was, hurting and uncertain what to do or who to turn to.

Emily pulled the covers off Lorelai again and looked down at her daughter. She'd turned over to her side, unable to even look at her. Emily scooped her up in her arms and held her close. Lorelai looked up at her mom, surprised.

"I love you, Lorelai." Emily's words were soft and fragile, yet they were the words that would resonate within Lorelai for the rest of her life. Lorelai looked up at her mom and then buried herself inside her mother's grip, crying. Watching her daughter cry, Emily felt tears fall down her cheeks.

* * *

Lorelai sat on the park bench, waiting for Christopher to show up. She'd called him that afternoon and told him they really needed to talk. He was still angry with her for breaking up with him, and at first he was very reluctant to even meet with her, but Lorelai had convinced him. She knew she had to tell him, and she had to tell him soon. It was his, after all.

Lorelai felt the bench shift a little bit and saw the shadow of a figure on the ground. She looked over at Christopher with tears in her eyes. He looked back at her. She could see a mixture of sadness and false strength in his eyes. She knew he was trying to keep her from knowing he was hurt. She ignored it and started talking.

"I'm pregnant." She said softly. It got easier every time she said it out loud, but it was still a hard thing to say. She looked over at him. His face was turning blue. "Breathe, Chris." He exhaled and looked straight ahead. She knew he was contemplating everything in his mind, afraid to even speak out loud.

"How? We used protection… We were safe," Chris said.

"It doesn't always work," Lorelai replied.

"What are we going to do?" Chris asked, looking at Lorelai.

"I don't know." Lorelai said, looking down at her shoes. There they sat, a boy and a girl staring at their shoes for an uncomfortable amount of time. "My mom said I have to have the baby. She said I can take care of it, or I can give it up for adoption, or she can take care of it. But I have to carry it to term."

Christopher nodded. "I would want you to." She nodded. "Lorelai, this is a lot to take in…" he trailed. "I don't know if I'm capable of raising a baby… I mean, I work at a grocery store…I can hardly afford a car payment…"

She nodded. "You're not the one stuck pregnant, I am." He looked over at her. He knew what he should do. He should pull her close and hold her. He should apologize for putting her in this predicament. He should say he was going to be there for the baby, no matter what. He should offer to be there for her and the baby. He had gotten her into this mess, after all.

"I'll call you later," he said, standing up. He looked at her for a minute, and then took off running for his car. She looked after him. _I never thought he'd be the one to run away from me. _

* * *

Lorelai opened the door to her house and walked upstairs to her room. When she got there, her mom was sitting on the bed, waiting for her. She sat down next to her mother and pulled the covers up over her, shivering. Emily heard her shivering and quickly gave her the rest of the covers. Lorelai smiled softly and whispered a soft thanks.

"I made you an appointment for next Tuesday afternoon," Emily said, stroking her daughter's cheek. "I got you a good doctor. She delivered you when you were born." Emily smiled at her daughter and kissed her forehead.

Lorelai nodded. "Did you tell Daddy?"

Emily looked at Lorelai and shook her head softly. "No baby, that's your job."

Lorelai sighed. "I know."

"It'll be okay," Emily said softly. "Daddy and I will help you. You won't be alone in this."

Lorelai nodded. "I'm really tired, Mom." Emily nodded and got up, shutting the door behind her. Lorelai sighed and knelt beside her bed, clasping her hands together. She felt the tears fall down her cheeks as she called out to God.

_God,_

_I don't know what to do. My life is falling apart, and I don't know where the pieces are. I feel so guilty…I should never have slept with him; I knew that even when we were doing it; I just didn't have the strength to stop. I don't know what to do about this baby. I can't care for it… I don't want to impose on Mom and Dad. I know I hurt them. I know their disappointed in me…I don't even know what to do._

Lorelai's sobs overtook any words she possibly could have spoken. She crawled up in a ball on the floor and fell asleep. Outside, Emily's heart shattered.


	4. Half Baked

A/N: First off, to answer a question in a review from the last chapter, I'm not going to say that Lorelai did or didn't consider an abortion. I just said that Emily said no abortion, and I wrote that for a reason. If you're curious about whether or not she considered it, take a look at the character I've built her to be and hopefully it will become a little clearer. Now, I KNOW this chapter is not what you're expecting or hoping, but like I said before, this is a different story than the others' and I'm exploring a side of teenage premaritial sex and its' consequences that may or may not be how you want it to be. I can only hope you'll take it with a grain of salt and keep reading because I'm really loving this storyline.

Disclaimer: Don't own them, just own the story line.

* * *

"Lorelai!" Emily called up the stairs. "We need to go!" Emily couldn't understand what was taking Lorelai so long. This was her appointment for her baby, and it seemed as if Lorelai didn't have a care in the world whether or not she was late for it. 

Emily climbed the stairs and knocked on the bathroom door. "Lorelai, you don't have to do your makeup for the appointment. That isn't what they're checking for." Emily was starting to get exasperated with her daughter, but she didn't want it to show. She wanted Lorelai to trust her, and right now, being calm and cordial was the best way to do so.

"I'm not going Mom," Lorelai said, wincing in pain. Emily was taken aback. Why would her daughter not want to go to the appointment to see her baby and confirm her pregnancy.

"Lorelai, it's a part of being pregnant, you have to go." Emily stated.

Lorelai opened the door, tears in her eyes. "Cancel the appointment."

Emily looked at her. "What?"

Lorelai held up her jeans to show the bloodstains on the back of them. Emily gasped. "I'm not pregnant." Lorelai stated, her voice quivering.

"Sweetheart, I don't know what to say," Emily started, shaking. She couldn't believe this was happening to her daughter. She didn't want her daughter to be pregnant, but now that she was she certainly didn't want her to have a miscarriage. Even with all of the pain and uncomfortable situations it would have caused her, Richard, and Lorelai, Emily was getting excited about being a grandmother.

Lorelai shrugged and walked past her into her room and laid face-down on the bed. Emily went into the bathroom and straightened it up. She picked up Lorelai's underwear and jeans, soaked with blood. She sent them down the laundry chute and looked at herself in the mirror. _Oh God, what am I going to do? _She wondered. She was in pain. Her heart was torn apart by the child her daughter had lost, but she knew that no matter how much pain she was in, Lorelai was in even more pain. She needed to be there for her daughter. Nobody would quite understand Lorelai's pain, but she would understand it most.

She walked into Lorelai's room and closed the door behind her. She sat down on Lorelai's bed and ran her fingers through her hair. She heard a muffled sound coming from Lorelai's direction.

"What was that, honey? I can't hear you." She said softly.

Lorelai turned to face her. "I'm a horrible mother. I killed my baby…" Emily gasped and pulled Lorelai into her arms, patting her back.

"Lorelai Victoria Gilmore, this is not your fault. Don't you ever think this is your fault." She said fiercly, holding the girl close to her. "It just happens sometimes. It's nobody's fault." She felt her shirt getting wet as Lorelai sobbed into it, gripping her mother as if she was the only tangible thing left on the earth.

Emily ran her fingers through her daughter's hair. She was glad they hadn't told Richard yet. She wasn't sure how he would have reacted not only to the pregnancy, but to the miscarriage as well. Emily ached inside for her daughter. She had her future back, but she knew that nothing would ever take away the pain that now consumed her baby girl.

* * *

That night, Lorelai lay in her bed staring at the ceiling. She had nothing on her mind. She felt completely alone, helpless and alone. She had no desire or motivation to do anything except lay in her bed and stare at the ceiling. Was this God's way of punishing her? Had she not pleaded forgiveness seventy times seventy seven times? Was she not remorseful and full of guilt? Why was this happening to her? It seemed like a cruel joke to her. Scare the shit out of her by letting her grow a baby inside of her, and then take it away like nothing had ever happened. 

Emily knocked on the door. "Lorelai, Christopher's on the phone. Are you sick?"

Lorelai sighed. "I'll take it, mom." She hadn't talked to Christopher since she'd told him the news a week and a half ago. He'd said he needed time and would call, and true to his word he did. But her certainly did take a long time. She picked up the receiver.

"Hi," she said softly.

"Hey Lor." He said. "I've been thinking a lot and I want to be there for our baby. I want to help you out. I'll get a new job, one that pays more, and I'll help you support this kid."

"Chris, you don't have to." Lorelai said softly, her heart breaking inside.

"Lorelai, I want to."

"Chris, you can't." Lorelai could feel the tears beginning to gather in her eyes, but she kept her voice calm and steady.

"Lorelai, I'm the baby's daddy. I deserve to be in it's life." He stated, and she could tell he was starting to become angry.

"Chris, I miscarried." Lorelai said, and pushed her hand to her mouth. The sobs escaped her body quicker than any cries had ever escaped her before. She hadn't said it out loud yet. It was still a silent knowledge between her and her mother, and nobody knew but them. To say it out loud was to admit that it had really happened. To admit that she was a failure. That she was unable of carrying and providing for the child she'd created. She'd never felt worse in her entire life.

Chris was silent on the other line. He didn't know what to think, or say, or feel. "I'm sorry, Lorelai." He said. When she didn't respond, he hung up the phone, leaving a sad and heartbroken Lorelai to mend the pieces.

* * *

The next day, Lorelai didn't go to school. She woke up at seven thirty, her normal time, but instead of climbing out of bed and putting on her plaid green, white, and blue skirt, she stayed in bed and stared at the ceiling. She half-expected someone to come and tell her she had to go to school, but nobody did. Richard had gone to the office early that morning with no indication of how Lorelai was feeling, leaving Lorelai home alone with her mother and the maids. Her mother, of course, had a DAR meeting and a few other random house calls she had to make, but she was insistent that if Lorelai needed her, she would cancel them. Lorelai had stared up at the ceiling until ten o clock when her mother knocked on the door. 

"Lorelai, there's breakfast downstairs if you're hungry." Lorelai continued to look up at the ceiling. "I have a DAR meeting today… If you need me, I can stay home." Lorelai continued to just stare above her, not moving an inch. "I'm supposed to go over to the Dugrey's house this afternoon, but if you want I can go tomorrow." Lorelai continued to stare, not even acknowledging her mother's presence. Her mother sighed and came over and kissed Lorelai's forehead. Lorelai didn't move a muscle, so her mother left and went to her meeting, leaving Lorelai to stare at the ceiling. She kept looking at the ceiling for hours, and when her mother came home at four she was in the same spot she'd been before.

The next day was the same as before, her mother offering to stay home and Lorelai silently refusing. Two days went by and Lorelai stayed home still. When Richard finally asked Emily what was going on, she told him that Lorelai was simply sick. After being out of school for four days, Lorelai was finally interrupted from her staring match with the wall.

On Thursday afternoon, Lydia and Laura burst through the doors to Lorelai's bedroom. They found Lorelai staring up at the ceiling.

"Not uh," Lydia said. "This is not our Lorelai." She went and sat on the bed as Laura pulled up the shades and exposed the light from outside. Lorelai groaned and winced and turned over on her back.

"Alright, c'mon, Lor, we brought Ben and Jerry's. And we brought Sixteen Candles, and Cosmopolitan." Lydia said, turning Lorelai over.

Lorelai looked at her friends. "Do you know what happened?"

Laura sat down on the bed next to Lydia and each of them grabbed one of Lorelai's hands and helped pull her up. "Why don't you tell us, honey."

Lorelai looked at them for a minute and then, for the first time in nearly a week, opened her mouth and began to talk.

Emily knocked on Lorelai's door Thursday afternoon and smiled when she opened it to find the three girls laying on Lorelai's bed watching Sixteen Candles and eating a pint of Half Baked.

"We're having beef stew for dinner," Emily said, watching her daughter. "I figured you girls wouldn't want that, so what kind of pizza would you like?"

Lydia and Laura looked at each other. "Pepperoni and Pineapple," they said in unison. Neither of them really cared for that combination, but it was Lorelai's favorite and they wanted to make her happy.

Emily nodded. "I'll call your mothers and tell them you'll be staying here tonight."

Lorelai looked up surprised. "Mom, you never let anyone stay here on a school night."

"I do when you need them to, Lorelai." She said softly, smiled at her daughter, and went downstairs.

Lorelai dug her spoon into the carton of Half Baked and looked at Lydia and Laura. Maybe she could get through this after all.


	5. Three Stars

**A/N: Thanks for all of you who reviewed. I was in a bit in a rut but I think I worked through it last night/this morning. Hopefully the next few chapters will come quicker than the last. Questions, Comments, Anything I need to clear up, let me know!**

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Lorelai, Age 21**

Lorelai picked up her tan coat and slipped her arms through it, buttoning it up. She put on her mittens and her scarf and walked outside, taking a deep breath. She loved the cold more than anything in the world, and any day there was snow was always the best day of the year. She could walk for hours and hours just breathing in that cool, crisp air and walking through the pure white snow. She loved when the snowflakes landed on her tongue and she loved when she came back and her cheeks were red. She loved curling up in a chair near her fireplace with hot chocolate and the remote after she'd nearly frozen herself to death.

As she walked down the streets of New Haven, she thought over her future. Her first semester as a senior was nearly ending. It was already December, and exams were approaching. Pretty soon, Lorelai would be graduating from Yale with a degree in Business. She'd already gotten a call from a woman in a town right outside of Hartford, asking her to help run a small inn called the Independence Inn. She'd accepted it, of course, even though it was a bit below the income she was expecting. She knew she'd be happy there, and that was all that really mattered.

"Lorelai, wait up!" she turned at the sound of a man's voice. She smiled when she saw him. Alex Parsons had been her friend since her first day at Yale when he'd accidentally insulted her by talking about how overrated the Bangles were. She'd managed to convince him otherwise, and ever since they'd been nearly inseparable. Lorelai had never thought of him in a romantic way until this year. Laura had developed a slight crush on him over the summer when she went home to Hartford and he came to visit, and ever since then she'd started giving him a second look. She wasn't competing with Laura, it was just that when someone starts talking about how amazing another is all the time, you tend to take notice. And boy, had she taken notice.

She slowed down and smiled at him. "Hi" she greeted him, and smiled big when he handed her some coffee. "My savior." She grinned and sipped the coffee, letting it roll over her tongue smoothly. Drinking coffee was almost an orgasmic experience for Lorelai, except in Lorelai's opinion, drinking coffee was even better.

He smiled at her. "Hi." She couldn't help but take in how cute he looked when he smiled because his dimples showed up. She bit her lip ever so slightly and looked down at her feet. "I love the snow." He said, making conversation. "I know you do too."

She smiled back. "It's so beautiful. Snow reminds me of how perfect the world should be." He looked at her, nodding her to continue without saying anything. She turned around. "Footprints remind me how much we ruined it." She smiled softly at him and knew he understood. She'd told Alex about her secret this past summer when he'd come to visit Laura and Lydia. She, Laura, and Lydia each had one secret that they had promised not to tell anyone else unless the other two said it was okay. It was their way of assuring their friendship and the importance they held in each other's lives. Besides, if Laura and Lydia didn't sign off on Alex, she couldn't either. Although, it didn't really seem to matter since nothing had happened yet.

Lorelai turned around and kept walking, imprinting the snow with the patterns on her boots. She thought about how much her life had changed since she was in high school. Lydia and Laura were at Princeton and Harvard and Lorelai was at Yale. God had played them a funny hand because while they'd all applied to the same three schools, God had each of them accepted to a different one, forcing them to separate. But, nothing could separate the power of sisterhood.

Lorelai was excited about graduating because it meant that she'd see Lydia again soon. Lydia was offered a job to teach English at one of the finest prep schools in Connecticut, which happened to be located in Hartford. Laura was going to graduate school to become a psychiatrist, but she'd assured Lorelai and Lydia she'd be moving back to Hartford as soon as she got her degree. Both Lydia and Laura had men in their lives that were about to propose. Sometimes Lorelai felt left out; she desperately wanted a boyfriend, yet she could never seem to find one that she was willing to risk herself for. Well, until Alex.

Lorelai sighed and looked up at the dark sky. "Do you ever try and count the stars?"

"No."

Lorelai looked at him. "Okay. Good. Because you might count wrong and then you'd…. count wrong." She kicked herself inside. _Pull yourself together, Lorelai._

Alex chuckled next to her and kept walking. As they neared the street where his apartment was, she took slower steps. He slowed down with her and when they'd reached his street, he simply turned and kept walking next to her. She smiled at herself. _Of course he'd keep walking. He's Alex. He's going to walk me home and then say he'll see me tomorrow in class. He's a gentleman. That's why you like him, Lorelai._

She looked down at the ground. As she was walking, she felt something tug at her hand. She looked down and saw Alex's hand wrapped across hers, waiting for her to return the gesture. She stared at it for a moment, and then smiled and closed her hand around his, unsure of what it all meant.

"I lied," Alex said. Lorelai looked at him, confused. "I counted some stars." She laughed.

"Oh really? How many are there? I hope you didn't miscount."

"Three."

She looked up at the stars and started to count. "Alex, there are definitely more than three."

He looked at her. "You're counting in the wrong place."

She looked at him, puzzled. "Try counting in your eyes," he said, smiling at her. She smiled back. She looked around her and noticed they'd reached the front of her dorm building. "Goodnight, Lorelai."

"Goodnight Alex," she said softly. She turned and walked up the steps to the door, smiling the whole way.

"Lorelai?" he called out.

"Hmm?"

"Let's count the stars together tomorrow, too." She smiled. "It might take a while, so I'll pick you up around six. Bring you home around ten or eleven?"

She smiled, nodded, and slipped inside.

Lorelai shut the door to her bedroom and leaned back against it, hands over her heart. Her heart was racing; her palms were sweaty; the corners of her lips were begging to turn upward. She could barely contain it. She let out a squeal and jumped on her bed. Happiness had taken over every bit of her being and as she lay on her bed, her feet propped up and the smile on her face exploding, she thought only of her two best friends at home and the pact they'd made so many years ago.

_"I'm going to miss you so much," Laura had said, pulling Lorelai tight into her arms. "You better call every morning and write every afternoon." _

_Lorelai smiled, "You know I don't know how to write." Laura laughed._

_"You're silly." She smiled and kissed Lorelai's cheek and moved out of the way so Lydia could hug Lorelai tight._

_"Guys, you know there's a possibility we won't be as close…" Lydia said, ever the pessimist._

_"We have to be." Lorelai stated. Lydia looked at her for a moment before Lorelai continued. "You know all of my secrets…You can't let a friend like that go."_

_Laura smiled, "Yeah, but I'm not so sure I want you calling me at 7 A.M. every time you have your period and when you spill chocolate pudding on your sweatshirt."_

_Lorelai and Lydia laughed. "Well, then let's make a deal," Lydia said._

_Lorelai and Laura looked at her. "A deal?" they asked._

_"A deal," Lydia said. "We let each other know about every job, every boy, every broken heart, every big thing that happens to us in college. But especially the boys."_

_Lorelai frowned. "No boys for me." She stated. The others didn't have to ask why, they already knew. They'd seen how Lorelai's broken heart hadn't mended, or even begun to mend. They knew it was because she wouldn't let it, but yet, they didn't dare say anything._

_"Lorelai…" Laura started. "C'mon, deal or no deal?"_

_The girls embraced in a three-way hug and simultaneously whispered, "deal."_

Lorelai opened her laptop and signed into her email. She groaned when she could hardly stay awake and walked into the kitchen, pouring herself some coffee. She came back into her room and sat down on her bed, her laptop sprawled across her lap.

_Ls,_

_I might be starting to regret this whole deal we made back when we were eighteen: young and stupid. I'm just kidding. You girls know I'd tell you anything. Well, here goes. The day you never thought possible: Lorelai Victoria Gilmore has a date for tomorrow night. I know, I know. I need to clear all relationships by you two so that nothing "happens" again. Well, I already did. Yep, you guessed it. Alex. He asked me out tonight and it was so cute and he used the puppy dog eyes and treated me like a princess. I really like him, Ls. He's just… adorable. _

_I'm scared though. You know what happened last time I was in a relationship. I got my heart broken and I broke someone else. Completely broke her. I know, I need to forgive myself for it. But how do you forgive yourself for killing your own baby. I know, it wasn't my fault. Well, I think I know that. I just don't understand this whole forgiveness thing._

_Wow, that was a tangent. Okay, so I'm scared. I'm scared that I'll get hurt again. I'm scared I'll get pregnant. I'm scared I'll be lonely. I'm scared all of the memories will come back to me in the middle of the night, and I'll be the little girl crying in her mother's arms or watching Sixteen Candles and eating Ben and Jerry's with her best friends. Except I'm not sixteen anymore, and I'm not a little girl anymore. I am completely grown up, and none of that is acceptable._

_And there I go, Lorelai Gilmore, ruining another potential relationship before it even starts._

_And so ends my email to the two girls with whom I haven't ruined my relationships with. My Ls._

_Love you,_

_The missing L._

Lorelai closed her laptop and fell into bed with her clothes still on. Half of her was crying inside, and the other half was rejoicing.

* * *

When Lorelai rolled out of bed the next day, it was closer to the afternoon than it was to the morning. She sighed and looked up at the syllabus hanging on her wall. She'd missed her first two classes and was dangerously close to not having her research paper in on time. She groaned and got out of bed, tripping over her slippers and her purse on the way out. She wandered into the kitchen and grabbed the hot cup of coffee some saint or angel had left for us and went back into her room.

Lorelai yawned and opened her laptop, ready to email her research paper out. She'd been a good girl and written the majority of it already, leaving only the conclusion to virtually write itself this afternoon. The problem was she only had forty-five minutes, so if she was going to have a good conclusion she needed to get cracking.

Of course, Lorelai procrastinated a little and opened up to the internet, searching around. She googled terms like _Brad Pitt_ and _The Muppets_, before snapping out of it. She had just started writing a sentence before she remembered she hadn't checked her email. She opened it up and grinned when she saw an email from Lydia, and one from Laura. Always something to say, those two. She opened them and read them slowly.

_Lor! It was so great to hear from you. It's been forever since you've had something exciting to share. I hope you have fun with Alex tonight, and stop overthinking so much. It's just one date, Lorelai. You went on plenty of other first dates with plenty of guys before Mr. Unmentionable and nothing happened with them. Please, just relax and know that we love you, and he'll treat you right. He's a good guy. Call me when it's over. Love you. –Lyd._

_Lorelai… I seem to remember you distinctly telling me when we were 17 that the next time you dated a boy you would swear off coffee. Well, congratulations, my friend, because coffee stunts your growth anyway! Or at least it's supposed to. It doesn't seem like it helped with you in all of your five-nine beauty. Anyway, please, please, please have fun with Alexy boy tonight. And I don't want to hear another peep out of you about what happened five years ago. Lor, it's the past. The only way it comes up again is if you let it bite you in the ass. Please don't let it. It was painful enough then, no need to relive it. You deserve someone who can make you happy, Lor. You don't have to pay your entire life for one sin when you were sixteen. I love you. Call me when it's over. –L2._

Lorelai smiled, she really did have the best friends. The little emails from Laura and Lydia were enough to push her into writing the rest of her research paper. She took a sip of her coffee and stared at the blank screen, needing more inspiration. She grabbed one of her journals off the wall and started reading it, half procrastinating, half looking for some quote about applying yourself. She stared at the page for a moment before turning back to her computer. She sat and typed slowly and surely.

_In conclusion, miscarriages affect mothers long after their child has left their womb. A child's memory is preserved throughout the course of its' mother's life, making it a living testimony of hope, pain, and ultimately, grief. As one miscarriage victim wrote in her journal, "My heart was shattered into a million pieces. Even now, years after the fact, I still can't look at a child without seeing the face of my unborn daughter. Even now, I can't bear to look at another man without seeing my child's father's face. Even now, the pain cuts deep as every day I am reminded of the child I was given and the child that was taken away." _


	6. Oh, Darla!

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. I haven't owned crap this entire story. Except of course the storyline... **

**A/N: Thanks so much for all the reviews! I hope you like the story! The story is going to move a bit faster through the next few chapters in an effort not to bore you. I promise, though, it will be both entirely unexpected and somewhat expected. Enjoy! If you have any suggestions let me know! (Oh, PS to one of my faithful reviewers: Your wish will come true in just a few chapters). Cryptic, yow.

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**The next night:**

Lorelai smiled across the table at Alex. She couldn't help but think how cute he looked with his striped shirt and blue jeans. She, of course, had dressed up a little more, but not too much. Alex had made it pretty clear to her that the date warranted no formal clothing. But, even though she was just wearing a light (and somewhat long) jean skirt and a blouse, Lorelai had still taken some time to get ready for her date. She'd curled her hair and put on her "special occasion" lip gloss. She'd gotten it as a "just because it's Sunday" present from Lydia back in high school and had managed to only wear it three or four times. No occasion seemed to fit the beautiful dark pink color. Well, this did.

Alex had gone out of his way. He'd picked her up and handed her a daisy. She asked him why he hadn't gotten her a rose and he told her that roses were over-rated and that she deserved much better. And so he'd given her a daisy and told her she looked beautiful. Lorelai smiled and laughed it off, but inside, she had no idea she was beautiful. In her mind, her hair was too dark, her lips were too thin, her arms were to big, her stomach wasn't toned enough, and her skin was far too pale. She couldn't see what everyone else saw in her.

After walking in the snow for a while, they'd reached a small Italian place. It was somewhat expensive, and was definitely fattening, so it was perfect for Lorelai. They had just finished dinner and for some reason beyond Lorelai's understanding, she had butterflies floating around in her stomach. She knew she liked Alex, but she couldn't figure out why she was so nervous. It was just Alex, her buddy, her friend. But he did look mighty nice…

"What are you thinking about?" Alex asked her. Lorelai bit her lip, unsure what to tell him. _Chocolate…_ she thought… _No, Grey's Anatomy…_ crap.

"Um, you." She replied. She wanted to kick herself. Her mother had always told her 'guard your heart, Lorelai.' Last time she had let her guard down she'd ended up pregnant, confused, and broken. She had sworn she wouldn't do it again.

"Me? Uh oh…" Alex smiled at her. "I told you I was having a bad hair day. No matter what I did it just wouldn't seem to stay down… I know I look like Alfalfa…"

Lorelai laughed, "That's not what I'm thinking."

He smiled at her. "Is it the shoes, then?"

She smiled. "No. It's definitely the face…"

"There's something wrong with my face?" Alex feigned surprise. "I knew I should have opted for that plastic surgery." Lorelai giggled and gave him a smile that told him what she was really thinking about, but it also told him she was too scared to tell him.

He smiled back at her. "Are you ready?"

"To rumble?" Lorelai joked. "Born ready."

He laughed. "To leave."

Lorelai pouted. "But I love spaghetti. It's noodles. Who doesn't love noodles? Oh and there's the hot, meaty tomato sauce! And the pieces of meat! It's heaven in a bowl. Oh and don't get me started on the garlic bread. It's delicious and amazing and--"

Alex cut her off, "Hmm, I guess we just won't go get coffee then. Since the spaghetti's so amazing here."

Lorelai jumped out of her chair and grabbed her coat. "Hurry up!!! Alex, hurry up!" Alex laughed and ran out the door with her, following her to the best coffee place in all of New Haven, a little kiosk near the dorms.

Lorelai smiled as she sipped her mocha coffee. "Yummy."

Alex laughed, "Yeah, you are."

Lorelai looked at him. "What did you say?"

"Yeah, it is…" Alex trailed off, taking a swig of his coffee and downing it fast. "So, what are you doing this summer?" he asked, trying to get a new topic.

As Lorelai went on about her summer plans to help run an inn outside of Hartford, all Alex could think about was how beautiful she was. Her beautiful eyes, her hair, her smooth skin. It was all he'd been able to think of since the day he met her. They'd been friends since freshman year, and even though he had pretended that he wasn't in love with his best friend, everyone around him could tell he was. Everyone except Lorelai, of course. He'd been so scared to tell her. He was scared he'd lose her friendship and everything that he treasured most in the world. He never wanted to hurt her, he just wanted to be with her.

Lorelai smiled at him. "Did you hear a word I just said?"

Alex looked flustered. "Uh, no, I was thinking…" he said kicking himself under the table for being so stupid as to not listen to her.

"Ow," Lorelai said, "you kicked me." Alex groaned and Lorelai looked at him funny. "What?"

"I'm messing up here," he said, blushing and looking down. She looked at him quizzically. "You're talking and I should be listening to you but instead I'm here thinking about how damn gorgeous you are. And then I start to kick myself for not listening to you and I start kicking you and…" he trailed off, looking up at her sheepishly.

She smiled at him. "You think I'm gorgeous, huh?"

He stammered. "Y-y-yes…"

She smiled. "You're not so bad looking yourself, you know." He smiled at her. "Even with the whole Bud Hall resemblance you've got going there. If I was Darla, I would totally dig you."

"But you're not Darla," he said.

"Yeah, but I still totally dig you." She said, looking away and smiling lightly. He kicked her lightly under the table and when a laugh escaped her lips she turned to him and smiled.

"I dig you too," he said softly and touched her hand.


	7. Frisbee Love Notes

**Disclaimer: Don't own it.**

**A/N: Thanks to all of you for reviewing! For those of you concerned about the timeline. Let's put it this way: Lorelai was a teenager in the mid-late 90s, she's a college student in present time, she's an adult in the future. That work for everybody? I'll be writing from that perspective from here on out, so hopefully that will make it easier to understand. For those of you worried about who Alex is and where Luke is, stop worrying. I promise, you'll enjoy the story. Just keep reading it!

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Lorelai's 22nd Birthday (A/N: I'm not sure when her birthday is, so I'm making it in January).

Lorelai smiled in her sleep as she smelled the fresh aroma of coffee. Perfect coffee. She could feel the goodness of it even underneath the covers. She sighed in contentment, pulling the down comforter up higher across her bare shoulders. She could smell the coffee coming closer to her, and she reached out her hand. Instead of the coffee mug she'd expected, she felt something bigger and cooler. She opened her eyes to see a large travel sized coffee mug decorated with pictures of The Bangles. She laughed and brought it closer to her.

"The Bangles _and _coffee! Oh, Wow!" She squealed. "This is like better than Pop-tarts." Lorelai smiled and took a sip.

"You're better than Pop-tarts," a deep voice replied. Lorelai giggled.

"You don't even like Pop-tarts, you crazy man," she said, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Hey, give me a bit of a break. I'm just trying to be romantic."

Lorelai laughed, "You, my dear, are always trying to be romantic." Alex laughed and gave her a wrapped box.

"This is for you. You have to open it now because I took the entire day off work."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Lorelai asked as she looked at the paper. "Christmas paper? It's January." Alex shrugged and she laughed, tearing the paper off. She smiled. "Super Mario Kart… You are my hero, you know?"

"I hope it's better than Pop-tarts," Alex smiled at her, leaning down to kiss her cheek. She smiled up at him.

"For some reason, every time I'm with you everything is better than Pop-tarts." Alex smiled at her.

Lorelai jumped out of bed. "C'mon, I'm gonna whoop your ass!" Alex laughed and ran after her. He gasped as Lorelai spilled a drop of her coffee on the floor.

Lorelai looked at him and pouted. He could see tears forming in her eyes. "My coffee," she pouted some more. He looked at her like she was crazy. Then she grinned and plopped down in her bean bag chair and put the game in. "I'm gonna eat you for dinner, fool." She said. He laughed and they went at it for over five hours, and in the end, Lorelai beat him bad.

* * *

**February 13**

Lorelai grabbed her books and shuffled them to one hand, holding her coffee in the other and trying, and failing, to open the door to the hallway. Class had just ended and it was already early afternoon. Lorelai had more homework than she knew what to do with. Well, actually, she had a whole day and a half to do it, but she wanted to crank it all out tonight because she knew tomorrow was going to be busy. Valentines Day at Yale was always busy. Girls would dress up in hot pink and go around the halls throwing out kisses (both the chocolate kind and the real kind) and the men would go pick up flowers from a florist and pass them out to random girls, trying to convince each girl that he had picked up the flower specifically for her. Some of them would land the girl for the night, but most of them would just end up $12.95 poorer.

She hurried out of the room, thinking about the next day. She and Alex had been dating for two months and she could feel herself falling for him deeper and deeper with each passing day. It was amazing to her how she could know someone for years and not fall for him at all, and then as soon as he starts making an effort to have a romantic relationship with her, she was suddenly head over heels. She knew she couldn't deny it any longer. She loved Alex. More than she'd loved anyone before, but she needed time. The great thing about Alex was that he knew that, and he was willing to give her as much time as she needed.

She felt her books disappear from her arms and she snapped out of her dream state. She looked over to the position where they'd seemed to go and smiled when she saw a black leather jacket. She looked up and smiled at Alex. He smiled back at her, "You looked like you were about to spill your coffee, and we can't have that. Can we?"

She smiled. "No, the whole school would have to be put on lock-down. We'd have to call in troops and inform the President. A code red would be enforced. Planes wouldn't be allowed to leave the ground. It would be quite the debacle." Alex nodded knowingly. "You must be a hero, saving all of the trouble like that. However can I repay you?"

Alex smiled at her, "Well, there is one way."

"Oh?" Lorelai looked up at him. She could feel the angel on her one shoulder battling the demon on the other. _C'mon Lorelai, you know you can't give up this easily. Guard your heart. Be careful Don't give out your love this easy or you'll get hurt, _the angel's words were echoing in her head. But the demon's were quite persuasive as well. _Lorelai, what's one kiss? What's one quick mercy jump? It feels so good, you know… Tell him you love him, get it over with. Be vulnerable._

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" Lorelai shook her head as if to shake away her two "friends."

"I said, if it's okay with you, I'd like to take you out tonight instead of tomorrow. There's this really great restaurant downtown that I tried to reserve weeks ago but couldn't get. The restaurant called me earlier and said they had an opening for tonight, if you'd like to go."

Lorelai smiled and nodded. "Okay."

Alex looked over at her and squeezed her shoulder. "Don't worry. I don't plan on letting you out of my sight much tomorrow either." Lorelai smiled and leaned against the door to her dorm room. "Thanks for helping me with my books." Alex nodded and opened the door for her and handed over her books, waiting until she'd set her coffee cup down. Lorelai shut the door behind her, and walked into her room and flicked on the lights. She gasped when she saw the scene in front of her. Rose petals were spread over her bed, over the floor, and in every nook and cranny possible. All over her mirror were post-it notes with handwritten _I love you_'s and _You're beautiful_'s. She walked over to them, smiling as she read them. It was then that she noticed the note on her desk. She opened the envelope and smiled, reading it silently. She leaned against the wall and sighed in content. She had finally found him, the man of her dreams.

* * *

**A random spring afternoon**

Lorelai sighed and laid back against the tree, her legs curled up under her and her eyes concentrating on the words that graced the page. She was so glad that winter had passed and that it was time to sit and just enjoy the warm air, the blue skies, and the feeling of reading outside in the sun. One of her professors had told her that the mind retains more information when it's stimulated by natural sunlight, and Lorelai had took his odd fact to heart and since then, she'd read outside more often than not. She loved curling up outside with a book. Sometimes it seemed as if nothing could distract her from the book in front of her. Except, of course, her cell phone, which was ringing. Lorelai glanced down at it and saw the three-letter word in the caller ID: _Mom._

She looked at it for a moment and then pressed the side button, sending the call straight to her voice machine. She couldn't be disturbed right this minute. Elizabeth had just met Mr. Darcy for the first time, and she'd always thought it was the most classy and eventful part of the novel. As she read through Pride and Prejudice, she couldn't help but imagine the long, flowing, colorful dresses, the quick waltz, the coattails that all the men were accustomed to, the bright smiles and beautiful music of a waltz from the time period. Sometimes Lorelai wished that she wasn't living in the era she was living in now, but rather, that she was living hundreds of years ago, being held by a man whom she loved while she danced in a beautiful dress and stayed at home every night taking care of babies.

"Watch out!" Lorelai heard as a frisbee whizzed just over her head and hit the tree behind her. She laughed and set her book down on her thigh and grabbed the Frisbee from off the ground and flicked it back at the underclassmen who were throwing it around on the grass. She smiled as they looked at her and went back to her book, knowing full-well that they were probably still staring. She smiled to herself as she read and then thought how ridiculous she must look, smiling for no reason. Of course there was a reason. Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth. That's what she would say if anyone asked her. She wouldn't say that she was smiling because some immature underclassmen at Yale were checking her out.

Not seeing the shadow overcome the edge of her book, she gasped as another Frisbee landed in her lap. She looked up at the underclassmen playing on the grass, but she noticed quickly they hadn't even stopped. She wasn't holding their Frisbee in her lap. She picked it up in her hands and studied it. It was a soft yellow color, and would have had the perfect shape of a smiley had someone not taken a black sharpie to it. She smiled as she saw her name scribbled on the edge of it. She turned it around and around as she read it, smiling the entire time. Maybe she didn't want to live in the fairy-tale time of her imagination. She doubted they had Frisbees back then. And if they'd had Frisbees, she was almost certain they hadn't had sharpies.

She smiled and continued reading: _Elizabeth, The skies are a perfect blue, the birds are chirping, the forecast is clear, the sun is shining and warm against your skin. But the skies aren't nearly as perfect a blue as your eyes, the birds aren't singing a song as pretty as the one that escapes your lips, and no sun can shine as brightly as you do. I'll let you keep reading, my dear, but I want my Frisbee back. I'll meet you at The Coffee Pub at seven tonight. Until then, I will think only of you. –Darcy._

She smiled and looked around, but by the time she'd finished he'd already disappeared from her sight. She looked down at the Frisbee and traced over the written words with her fingers. He really was her Darcy. He wasn't quite as obnoxious as Darcy was, mind you, but just as delightful. Anyone that would write a love letter to her on a Frisbee had to be at least somewhat delightful, didn't he? She smiled and picked up her book, willing herself to read more of it. She flipped a few chapters ahead to the part she'd memorized so well in the book and smiled as she saw the similarities. She traced over the words on the page. _I believe I thought only of you. _She smiled and bit her lip slightly. What could be better than this?


	8. Strength in Coffee

**A/N: Alright, thanks to Bianca for reviewing faithfully. You're the reason this next chapter is up. If anyone is wondering why Alex came in so fast and left so fast, it's because I want the storyline to move on and get to where I want it to be, and this is the best way I know how to do that. Hopefully, you'll agree. Sorry it's so short. But that's the way it is, folks. I'm writing a new chapter tonight, and hopefully I can get another posted later. ENJOY!**

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The snow had stopped falling long ago and spring was in the air. Lorelai had never felt more alive than she did at that moment. She and Alex had been dating for four months and she had never had a bad date with him. He had been nothing but a perfect gentleman: holding doors, giving her flowers and chocolate, telling her she was beautiful. She loved it. He was the guy she'd always dreamed of being with, but she'd never thought she'd find him. She didn't deserve him, she knew that. Which was why she was breaking up with him. Let some other girl have the amazing man he was. She had ruined her chances of a happy future with any man by sleeping with Christopher so many years ago. She was supposed to be alone. Or at least alone with cats. But definitely not with Alex.

She tapped on his door lightly. When he opened it he smiled and took her in his arms. "Lorelai, I'm so happy to see you!" he said, smiling. She hugged him back and whispered so soft she was sure he couldn't hear "not for long."

He opened the door further, "Come on in, honey. I was just making some dinner, you want some?"

She shook her head no and he looked at her strangely. "I can put a pot of coffee on." She smiled and nodded, sitting down on the couch. He sat down next to her and smiled over at her. She smiled back and bit her lip.

"Alex…" she began, looking down at her hands. She needed coffee for this. She looked up at him and his eyes were fixated on her, a concerned look on his face. "I need coffee." She blurted out. He got up and poured her a cup, making it the exact way she wanted it.

She took it out of his hands and took a sip. "Alex, I think we need to take a break," she said softly, looking at the swirls in her coffee cup. Silence. After a while she looked up at him, his face was frozen.

"Why?" he asked her softly. She looked at him, tears threatening to fall down her cheeks.

"I... I just can't, Alex. I don't deserve this." Lorelai bit her lip and stared at the wall.

"Don't deserve what?" Alex asked. He hadn't said anything cutting to her, he hadn't raised a hand to her. He had been wonderful to her, he thought. And if he hadn't, he certainly would try to be more wonderful, he knew she deserved that. And he wanted her, more than anything he wanted to be with her. He would do anything to be with her.

"Happiness." She said, looking at him. "I don't deserve to be happy." The tears fell down her cheeks. He looked at her like she was crazy.

"Lorelai, of course you deserve to be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy." He said softly, taking her hand in his.

She looked up at him, "No, Alex. I'm rotten. I'm filth. You don't want me, I promise. You're perfect, you deserve someone who isn't scared to be with you. Someone who will be with you… Someone who can give all they have to you. Not me."

Alex sighed. "Lor, I want whatever you can give me. You're not rotten, you're beautiful. All I want is to make you happy. I love you, Lorelai."

She gasped. He'd never said that to her before, other than in his normal joking manner when they were playing video games back when they were just friends. "I love you too, Alex. Which is why I need to leave." She wiped the tears from her cheeks and kissed him softly, before getting up and running out the door.

Alex watched her leave, his heart dropping to his knees.


	9. The Ls

Laura's phone rang out her Sex and the City ringtone. She ran for it, knowing it was one of the Ls. When she picked it up she glanced at the caller ID. _L2_. That meant Lorelai. Laura automatically became concerned. Lorelai never called her. Not unless something bad was happening.

"Hey sweetie," she answered, sitting on her bed.

Lorelai sobbed in the phone in response. "Lorelai, baby, what's wrong?" Laura asked her.

Lorelai took a long time responding, trying to calm her sobs down. "Alex…" she said, and broke into sobs again. "Over." Laura sighed.

"I'll call Lydia and we'll be right over. We'll speed. Less than an hour." Lorelai smiled and nodded, knowing that even though Laura couldn't see her, she knew. They hung up and Lorelai crawled under the covers and clutched the pillow tight.

Forty five minutes later, she felt someone crawl under the covers on her left side. She turned over and smiled weakly. "Hi."

"Hey honey." Laura said, running her fingers through Lorelai's hair. Lorelai scooted closer to her and Laura wrapped her arms around her tight. "It's going to be okay. Did he hurt you? I know a prime ass-kicker if we need to go get one."

Lorelai smiled despite herself. "Send him after me." Laura's face changed tones as she became more worried than scared for her friend.

"Lorelai, what happened?" she asked. Lorelai opened her mouth to answer when she felt the bed shift on the other side of her. She turned over and smiled when she was Lydia.

"Sorry, I would have been here faster but apparently it's against the law to go over the number posted on those stupid white signs." Lorelai smiled lightly and Laura laughed.

"Always the speed demon," she said.

Lydia smiled, "Not always. Just for you and Lor."

Lorelai sighed. "I broke up with him. I didn't deserve him."

"What do you mean?" Lydia asked incredulously.

"I'm broken. I've given myself away to someone else. I'm scared to have sex with him because it might happen again. I'm scared that I love him and that I'm falling for him. I'm not giving him what he needs."

"Lorelai, you can't punish yourself for making one mistake when you were sixteen. You learned from it. You need to move on," Lydia said softly.

"I haven't learned enough yet," Lorelai sighed. "I'm not over it. If I was over it, I would feel as crummy."

"You broke up with a boy, of course you feel crummy." Laura said.

"I think he was going to propose," she sighed. "I would have said yes and married a man that deserved someone so much better than me."

Laura looked at her. "Lorelai, you're smart, beautiful, and amazing. He deserves someone like you. You're better than any other girl he could ever have."

Tears fell from Lorelai's eyes. "I'm just not over it, yet."

"You'll never be over it, Lor," Lydia said softly, touching her cheek. "It's a part of you now… And you have to give that part of you to someone."

"Fine. I'll give it to God and go to a convent and become a nun." She said sarcastically, burying herself further under the covers.

"The only nun you could ever pass as is Sister Mary Clarence. Except you can't sing," Laura said, smiling.

Lorelai laughed. "And I loved her too. She had spunk. I'd be a perfect Mary Clarence. Sister Mary Clarence was definitely not a virgin and neither am I."

"You don't have to be a virgin to deserve happiness," Lydia replied looking at her.

"The only happiness I ever find is in a carton of Half Baked." Lorelai said. Laura and Lydia laughed and the three fell asleep on the bed, holding each other as to escape the night that was in front of them.

* * *

Lorelai rolled over in her bed and ran into something soft, but definitely something with a form. _What's in my bed? _Lorelai groaned.

"Ow," Lydia said, putting her arms around Lorelai and grinning at her. "You're finally up! Yay!"

Lorelai laughed. "Oh, it's you." She rolled over and pretended to go back to sleep.

"Uh-uh," Laura said, bringing the aroma of fresh coffee into the room and tickling the bottom of Lorelai's feet. Lorelai giggled and sat up.

"COFFEE!" she said, grinning from ear to ear. The other two rolled their eyes and laughed as Lorelai scarfed down her first cup. They loved their friend, but this coffee habit was going to kill her.

"You better get dressed, Lorelai." Laura said matter-of-factly. "We have places to go, people to see, and giggles to be had."

Lorelai was confused. "Where are we going?" she asked.

"We're not telling you," Lydia replied.

"Please!" Lorelai pleaded.

"Get dressed."

Lorelai did her famous pout, knowing well that Laura and Lydia were completely immune to it by now. They looked at her with no expression on their faces.

"Fine!" Lorelai huffed and started putting on her jeans. The others rolled their eyes before they were interrupted. "Wait, will there be junk food there?"

"Even if there wasn't, I'm sure you'd find a way to bring it in," Lydia giggled. Lorelai finished getting dressed and poured herself another cup of coffee. Without knowing what she was going to do all day, she figured she better stock up on the coffee.

An hour later, Lorelai, Lydia and Laura were on the road, eating Fritos and drinking Cherry Coke. Lydia was driving just over the speed limit, and every time she went to switch lanes she'd try and pass through without hitting the reflectors on the road. It was a fun game for her, but for Laura and Lorelai in the backseat, it was definitely creating some problems.

"LYDIA!" Lorelai hollered, "Now I have nail polish on my toe!"

Lydia giggled. "Lorelai, if you really want to paint your toes, we could go to that nude artist."

"Nude Artist? What does that have to do with toe painting?" Lorelai asked.

"You haven't heard of him?" Lydia asked. "Oh my gosh, Lorelai. He's so cool. You strip naked and he paints your entire body so it looks like you're wearing clothes but really you're on the street naked."

"People are walking the streets naked?" Lorelai asked, dumbfounded.

"Yes."

"I wish a cute boy would be," Lorelai giggled. "Ooh! Can we walk the streets naked?"

Lydia sighed. "Lorelai…."

"What?" Lorelai contested. "It would be fun, see who noticed."

"Just the fact that I would know that I was walking in the mall naked would be enough for me to want to shrivel up and die," Laura said.

"Ooh, Laura's gonna shrivel up! Let's do it!" Lorelai said. Lydia sighed and looked at Laura, who rolled her eyes.


	10. Fingerpaints on Walls

**A/N: I can't remember which one of you it was that told me that Richard needed to know, but here's the chapter before Richard finds out, so I hope you enjoy it. This one was pretty easy to write, and I hope you enjoy it. It's set five years in the future, for any of you that wonder about the timeline. The story is about to get heavier starting the next few chapters, and then eventually it will simmer down into fluff and then probably will hit a heavy point again. Keep with me, people, I'm loving writing it and all I know is the endpoint, but how I get there, you guys can help me decide. I hope you love it, please R&R!**

**Not mine.

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**

Five years later (Lydia's POV)

"Hold mommy's hand tight, honey," I said, looking down at my four year old daughter Christina. She smiled up at me as we crossed the street, her little body bouncing higher than Tigger after a pot of coffee. Her blonde ringlets were bouncing with her body, and her dark green eyes looked up at me.

"Mommy, hurry, I want to go see Auntie Lorelai!" I laughed and hurried my steps a little. "I need to show her my new Barbie, hurry! You know how much she loves my Barbies!" I laughed and opened the door to the inn, letting go of Christina's hand. I watched as she sprinted up to the front desk and pulled at Lorelai's skirt.

"Auntie Lorelai! Auntie Lorelai! Look at my new Barbie!" Lorelai crouched down to Christina's level and admired her Barbie, her eyes completely focused on the little girl. As I watched them, I couldn't help but think, as I often did, how Lorelai would make such an incredible mother when the time came. She had patience with little kids that I could only dream of having. Four year olds can really wear you out, but Lorelai wasn't worn out by anything. Maybe it was the coffee, but I doubt it. The girl had a natural energy about her. She'd had it since the day I met her in the sandbox when we were four. She was go-go-go.

Christina ran into the lounge with her Barbie and I took the opportunity to make my way over to Lorelai. I hugged her tight. "It's divorce Barbie. She comes with all of Ken's stuff." Lorelai laughed.

"Good to see you, Lydia." She smiled, sitting down on the nearest couch. "Business is slow today, I'm glad my two favorite girls stopped by."

I smiled at her. She had a new glimmer in her eyes. I hadn't seen it for a while. I wondered what could possibly make her so smiley today. "Yes, well, we have to see Auntie Lorelai, you know."

Lorelai smiled. "How's she doing?"

"Oh, she's doing great. She's getting excited about going to Kindergarten next year. Right now she's in her Disney Princess phase and she really loves Sleeping Beauty. She's painting the walls now, too. Great bright colors. Blues and Reds. Luckily, she uses her finger paints so it's not that hard to get off." I laugh and think about yesterday when she made hand prints all over my walls. She'd genuinely thought I'd love it since I liked her Christmas ornament this year, which was her little hands and feet painted on stone. The whole only coloring on paper thing was way over her head.

Lorelai smiled. "And how's Stephen?" I smiled as I thought of my husband. I'd met him during our senior year in college and had instantly taken a liking to him. We'd gotten married before Christmas the next year and the following summer little Christina had come into the world. We were quite the fast movers. Emily always said I was the type to jump in and never look back. Not at all like Lorelai. She's the type that never jumps.

"He's good. Any men in your life?" I ask, hoping for a different answer today.

"Nope, not since last Wednesday, at least." She answers, and I know she doesn't want to elaborate. Lorelai hasn't had the best track record with relationships. It's been long and lengthy and with more heartache than I can fathom. Chris was the beginning of her relationship problems. The lousy bastard. After he'd found out she'd miscarried he'd refused to talk to her about anything. He completely shut her out and pretended as if he'd never known her. It was rather convenient for him. He'd moved out west to California and flunked himself out of UCLA. Last I heard he was living in a trailer park somewhere in Alabama with some cheap hoe. He never quite realized his "full potential," as his parents called it.

Alex was next, and he was actually not a bad guy at all. They never fought and he treated her like a princess, but Lorelai couldn't have that. For some reason, she thinks she must be punished for all of her life for the one mistake she made with Chris. She broke up with Alex when things got too serious. It wasn't that she didn't want to marry him or be with him, she was just scared. He tried to get her to see the truth, and he tried to convince her that she was meant to be with him, and that she deserved to be happy. But Lorelai's stubborn, and when she decides something, there's no going back. And even though Alex tried to win her back more times than I ever thought possible, and even though he nearly succeeded, ultimately, she was too scared, and she ran away. She still talks to him every now and then. Last I heard he was a fancy lawyer up in New York with a mortgage, a wife, and two little girls. He was doing pretty well, too.

After Alex came Jason, the stock-broker. He was interesting. He was the first relationship Lorelai didn't ask us girls to sign off on. He was quite charming and he lured her in with his good looks. Lorelai didn't even see it coming. After what happened with Alex she'd told herself she had to give him everything she could. Well, everything short of sex because Lorelai made it quite clear she wasn't going there again. Not until she was settled down. Ultimately, that's what ended it between her and Jason. She wouldn't put out, so he found someone who would. He always was an asshole.

Her latest squeeze was a man named Max. Max was a lot like Alex in that he loved and respected Lorelai more than she could handle. He was one of my coworkers at Chilton, and they met through some talent show or other school function they both went to. Lorelai was automatically smitten with him. He could keep up with her wild banter and random conversations; he was nice looking, and he genuinely liked her. They dated for over a year. She even let him kiss her goodnight and they exchanged their three words constantly. They were most definitely in love. And then Max made a terrible mistake. He asked her to marry him. It was quite romantic. He made her a video and told her all of the things he loved about her and all of the things he wanted out of their relationship. One of which was a white picket fence with three little kids playing on the floor. Then he got on one knee and proposed. She ran off and broke his heart. It wasn't that she didn't want to marry Max, she just couldn't handle the idea of giving herself away to someone again, and the possibility of getting pregnant and losing another child was more than she could take. And if Max wanted children, she didn't want her fears to keep him from having what he wanted. And so she left. He's still single. And lonely. But he only wanted what's best for her.

"Okay," I said, remembering our conversation last week. "What is new?"

"I think I'm going to tell my dad," she said, looking at me. "He deserves to know, right?"

I nodded. "You know I think you should have told him years ago. He could have helped you through it."

She looked down at her hands. "I just don't want him to be ashamed of me." She said softly, tears forming in her eyes.

I reached over and took her hands in mine. "Lorelai, your father won't be ashamed of you. He loves you. He wants you to be happy."

She nods. "I let him down though. He wanted a good, Christian daughter… He got me."

I looked at her incredulously. "Lorelai. You are a good, Christian daughter. Sex doesn't make you a heathen."

She sighed. "No, but it sure makes you feel like one."

I touched her face lightly. "Lorelai, talk to your father. Tell him. Maybe when you do you'll finally be able to move on from all this." She looked at me like she could never move on and opened her mouth to protest. "No, listen to me. I know you're hurting. I know it's painful. But you can't stop living your life because you had one road block. If everyone that miscarried stopped living her life, can you imagine how many dead, lifeless people we'd have? Lorelai, you're too special to be wasting your life away on something like this. You need to get past this. Maybe Richard can help you."

She looked up at me and nodded. She bit her lip in her tell-tale sign that she was scared and nervous. I squeezed her hand lightly and she looked down at it.

"Okay." She said softly. Inside I was surprised. Had Lorelai really just agreed to tell her father? To begin to get over this mess that was eating her up inside? Was she really about to start living her life again?

She got up and went over to the front desk and picked up the phone, staring at me the entire time. "Hi Dad… it's me." I heard her voice shaking, but it didn't seem as if it would be too visible across a telephone line. "I need to talk to you about something important… No, I'm fine, I just want to talk with you… I'd rather not do lunch… Can I come over sometime? Yeah, tomorrow afternoon is fine. I'll be there at three. I love you too, Dad. Bye." She hung up and looked at me, tears welling up in her eyes. I got out of my chair and walked over to her, pulling her into a tight hug.

"It's going to be okay, sweetie. You'll see. It's going to be fine." And with that I kissed her cheek and turned around to see Christina and Barbie heading toward me, ready to go home.


	11. A Father's Reaction

A/N: I hope you enjoy it. Many of you may not think it's "realistic," but I think it is considering the kind of lifestyle I'm painting Lorelai to have. Remember she's in a loving, Christian family (not the family from the show) and so I hope you'll take that into consideration when reading. It's been about 10 years since Lorelai got pregnant. As far as Lorelai's sudden decision to tell him, I think it should be more clear with this chapter. And don't worry, a new someone will enter into the equation rather soon. Please Read and Review! I'm in a rut right now, but I'm 7 chapters ahead of you. Reviews not only encourage me to write more, but encourage me to put up the next chapter. Enjoy!

Also, a warning. The next 2-3 chapters are pretty emotion-packed. You might not think it's realistic, but I'm trying to paint Lorelai how I think I would feel if I was in her situation, and also using real life experiences from those I know that have had this happen to them. Also, I only own Lydia, Laura, and Christina.

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Lorelai turned the key in the ignition and sighed. She couldn't believe she'd finally gotten up her nerve to come over to her parents' house and tell her father that she'd been pregnant and miscarried. She bit her lip and looked up at the house. Her eyes widened and she quickly turned the key the other way, the ignition roaring to life. How she ever thought she could do this was beyond her imagination. She looked up at her sun visor and smiled. Pictures ordained it, held in place by thumbtacks and polka dotted ribbons. Her eyes wandered through all of the photographs. Her and the Ls at the beach one summer. Lydia and her eating Ben and Jerry's. She and Christina playing dolls. Going to tea with Queen Christina and her friend Princess Laura. In the center was a picture of her and her father, the day she graduated from Yale. He deserved to know. She knew he did. All of the years spent with Christina convinced her of that. Laura had always told her how amazing it was to have complete trust in Christina. Even though she was only four and probably told her mother everything, she could see the fear in Laura's eyes that one day she wouldn't. She knew that would hurt Laura. All Laura ever wanted to do was be there for Christina. Laura had said it was just part of being a parent. Her dad was a parent. Lorelai was convinced he felt the same way. And she didn't want to hurt her father any longer, she'd hurt him enough as is.

She turned off the car and got out of the door quickly, afraid she'd lose her nerve if she didn't hurry. She ran up to the door and rang the doorbell, waiting for Greta to answer the door. Not long had passed before she was led into the living room where her father was already waiting.

As soon as she saw him, the tears began to fall. They were running wild down her cheeks as she thought about how much she was about to hurt him. Not only had she disappointed him through her actions when she was sixteen, but now she was going to have to tell him she'd kept a secret from him for more than ten years. A big secret, one that he could have helped her get through.

Richard looked up at her and quickly noticed the tears glistening her cheeks and her eyes red from crying. He jumped up and walked over to his daughter, throwing his arms around her. At this, Lorelai cried harder, knowing that she was only going to disappoint him more. She looked at him. She knew the man loved her deeply, perhaps more than he loved anyone else. He'd always told her he'd go to the ends of the earth just to see one twinkle in her eye. And yet, she was about to hurt him horribly. The pain in her chest was too unbearable for words. Nothing compared to this pain. Even the pain of losing her child was nothing compared to the pain of having to tell her father, the one man that thought the world of her, that she'd messed up. His perfect daughter wasn't so perfect after all.

"Can I get you a drink?" Richard asked after she'd pulled away. "Long days are best with whiskey."

"No thanks, Dad. I'm okay." Lorelai said, resisting the urge for coffee. She had to do this on her own. She needed to be strong. Coffee didn't make her stronger, she knew that. It just made her feel stronger and more empowered. But she didn't want to just feel strong. She wanted to be strong. She wanted to know that she was independent, that she was alive, and that she would be okay. But first, she wanted to come clean.

Richard nodded. "What's the matter, Lorelai?" She looked up at him and could see the concerned look in his eyes. She bit her lip and looked down at her hands, trying to keep the tears from falling. She felt his hand reach over and land on top of hers and she could feel her throat closing up. "You know you can tell me anything."

Lorelai swallowed and looked up at her father. It was now or never. She could make up an excuse about hitting a deer on the way over, or about feeling guilty for breaking up with Max, or about a movie she'd seen before she came over, or to ask him for help with financial trouble. Or she could tell the truth.

"I know, Dad…. But I've been keeping something from you," she said softly, not willing herself to look up. He squeezed her hand but still, she didn't look up. She was too ashamed and embarrassed.

"Christopher and I…" she started and trailed off, knowing that wasn't the way to start. "When I was sixteen…" she trailed off again. She looked up at him, her turquoise eyes filled with tears. He stared back at her, a look of concern on his face. "We had sex, dad…" she said, looking down at her hands and pulling them away from him. "And I got pregnant…" She could see his hands stiffen as she bit her lip harder. "And I miscarried."

The disappointment from her father clouded over her and pushed at her heart harder than she'd ever thought possible. The one man who adored her, who gave her everything, who trusted her completely. She'd betrayed him. Her own father. She'd taken everything he'd given her for all of her life and thrown it in his face. She was shaking now. Crying hard. Shaking harder. She felt her hand instinctively go to her stomach, resting there. When she looked down and noticed where it lay, she cried harder. She tried to breath, she really tried. But she couldn't breathe. Her breaths were short and quick and hard. A drop of blood fell down and landed on her palm. She'd bit her lip so hard she'd nearly bitten through it.

She looked up at her father. He was looking down at his hands. "I'm sorry, Dad… I know I disappointed you. I know I'm not the daughter you wanted to have, or the daughter you thought you had…" She looked at him a moment longer before standing up and heading towards the door. Just as she'd placed her hand on the doorknob, she felt a hand on her shoulder.

She turned around and found herself looking straight into her father's eyes. She didn't know what they were trying to say, but she stared into them, like a young child afraid to break her concentration. Before she knew it, she was pulled into his arms, her tears and sobs falling deaf against his chest. His strong arms were keeping her locked in his embrace, signaling to the world that he would never let her go. When her sobs had subsided she looked up at her father and for the first time that afternoon, saw the remains of tears on his cheeks.

He looked down at her and lifted a strand of her hair and tucked in behind her ear. "Lorelai." He said. She looked up at him, her heart broken in two. "Lorelai." He repeated, touching her cheek.

She bit her lip and winced in pain. He chuckled softly. "Don't bite through your lip, honey." She looked up at him and stopped immediately. He took her hand and led her back to the couch. Instead of sitting in the chair across from her, this time he sat next to her, holding her hand. He had more to say to her than just her name. She could tell.

She felt his hand touch her cheek as he moved her head to look at him. Looking her straight in the eye he spoke boldly, fiercely, but lovingly. "I love you, Lorelai. Nothing you ever do or say will ever change my love for you."

She felt the sobs get stuck in her throat as she nodded slightly. "You're my daughter. You'll always be my daughter." She smiled lightly while he continued. "You know, I never wanted a daughter. I thought they were too frilly and they cared too much about hair and nail polish. I wanted a big, masculine son to carry on the family business or go pro in some sport. I never wanted a girl."

Lorelai looked at him, a look of horror threatening to overcome her. Here she was, telling her father the biggest secret of her entire life and he was saying he wanted her to be a boy. Maybe she wouldn't feel so guilty if she were a boy.

"But, after I had you, I realized something." He paused, waiting for her to look at him. When she finally did, he opened his mouth and continued slowly. "I got everything I ever wanted when you were born, Lorelai. I love you in ways I can't even put into words." She smiled up at him. He really did love her… Unconditionally.

"Lorelai, I've watched you grow up. I've seen you make mistakes more times than anyone else on this planet." He chuckled. "Some are bigger than others, yes… But I've seen you rise above those mistakes and turn into the beautiful person you are today. Yes, I wish you would have told me this sooner. But only so I could have cried with you, and been there for you." She looked up at him, tears forming in her eyes. "I've never once been disappointed in you."

Lorelai smiled and hugged her father tight. She felt free, for the first time in ages. She felt as if she could hug her father and not feel guilty, or ashamed, or embarrassed. She was just Lorelai in his presence once more. She felt clean, pure. Unbroken.

For the first time in her life, Lorelai wondered if she felt what true, unconditional love was. She felt accepted, despite her mistakes. She felt as if someone loved her despite them. She felt as if her father had listened to her cry and get her pain out, and then forgotten her sins and let them be swept away. She felt as if she were a clean slate. She was free. And she thought, maybe, this was the start of forgiveness.


	12. Are You There God? It's Me, Lorelai

**A/N: If you can't tell already, this is a letter from Lorelai to God. It will give you some background information that is essential for moving on with the story. I know it's not my general form of writing, but I hope you enjoy it. It was the only way to keep moving forward while still being somewhat realistic. Let me know what you think! Enjoy!

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_Dear God,_

_There's that Judy Blume book about you. I think it's called Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret. I have my own version, I guess. Just take out the Margaret and put Lorelai in it's place. Are you laughing? Do you laugh, God? I'm always confused about you… You know. Sometimes you're big and mighty and as Bruce Almighty would say "Oh Mighty Smiter! You're a mean kid sittin' on an ant hill with a magnifying glass…" Okay. Maybe you don't want to hear all that again. I'm sure it hurt enough coming from Brucey-Wucey… Or do you call him Jimmy-Wimmy?_

_Okay, so here's the deal, God. I'm going to try and stay focused here for the first time in my life. Oh, look! A birdy! I'm kidding. But there seriously is a butterfly floating around and it's so pretty. Yeah, yeah, I know you made that. Woah, that butterfly is trying to eat Michel's hair. God, you gotta see this… Wait._

_Okay, I'm really trying now. God, I'm sorry. I know I've screwed up. I can see you crossing your arms over your chest and saying "Lorelai, just shut up already." I don't appreciate that, God. Enough people tell me to shut up. Sorry. Anyway, I'm not really talking about getting pregnant with Christopher and miscarrying this time. I'm talking about the past ten years. Do you remember them, God? I don't know… We weren't really that close. And I can pretty much peg it down to my late teenage years._

_You know, when I lived with my parents and went to church on Sunday, I'd like to say we were pretty close. I mean, we didn't have tea every afternoon or stay up all night talking about boys, but I'd like to think we were friends. I told you when I spilt pudding on my shirt most of the time. You were pretty "in the know." But then I had sex with Christopher and I shut you out. It wasn't because I don't love you, God… And it wasn't because I don't believe in you. I promise, I do. It was because, well, I was ashamed. I'd never really felt ashamed before. It was a whole new feeling for me. I just wanted to cover myself up and hide from you. And I tried that for a very long time. But, then I realized something… You can't hide in your own skin. Especially from the being that created it._

_So, I was ashamed. And I thought I'd let you down. Sometimes I feel like we have all of these rules at church. You know? I mean, really, God… We can't do anything! Sex was one of those rules I thought I'd never break. I thought it would be so easy to just not have sex until I was married. I thought it was one of those rules thrown in there just for kicks so people wouldn't feel so bad about themselves after they lied and cheated and stole something. But it's hard, God. It's really hard. And now I understand why it's a rule._

_Do you remember that time when I was four and I put my hand on the hot stove? What about the time when I was five and I flipped over my handlebars? Or when I was eight and I fell down the stairs in front of everyone? When I was eleven and I had to get my appendix taken out? When I was thirteen and I got my first cramps? When I was fifteen and Bobby Jones told me I smelled? Yeah… None of that hurt as much as sex… I don't mean physically, although, that was pretty painful. That is one thing they never tell you. Sex hurts. But other than that… Emotionally. I was so vulnerable that night. I've never given that much of me away to anyone… Not even you. And I don't know, God. I felt like my innocence was gone. In trying to be more grown-up and show someone an adult type of love, I let go of the best thing I'd ever had… And it was painful._

_But, Oh God, the consequences…I remember during my senior year, the sex ed teacher at our school told us that getting pregnant was the best of the worst possible outcomes. I believed her. She also said that STDs were the worst because you can't get rid of them. I'm not sure I agree with that…Miscarrying is definitely worse, God. I don't understand why you gave that one to me. I only made one mistake. ONE. I never thought you were an angry, pay-back kind of God. I had fifteen minutes of lust and you repaid me by doing that. What kind of a God are you anyway? I'm not sure I want to worship a God that pays back one instance of sex by killing a child. Would you?_

_Now I'm crying, God. I hear you telling me to shut up again. I'm not sure I want to listen to you. No, I don't want to listen to you. I don't want to listen to someone who put me through so much pain. Wait… I put myself through this pain. _

_How could you ever love someone like me, God? I really don't understand this whole thing. I mean, I understand the concept… But I don't understand the action. I can't think of a single person I'd jump in front of a car or take a bullet for… And those are quick, painless deaths. I can't imagine loving someone so much that you'll slice your hands and feet open and hang outside naked just to make them feel forgiveness… But forgiveness is hard to feel. It really is. You can hear it all day long, but for some reason, you just want to be punished for what you did. You just want to be hated. You want someone to be angry with you. Because then, maybe, you could let go. You could stop being angry at yourself. And you could come to realize that you're only hurting yourself. Maybe._

_I don't know, God. I haven't forgiven myself yet. I've barely begun. I don't really know how to forgive myself. Forgiving yourself for eating half a Milky Way is a lot different than forgiving yourself for having sex and letting a child die inside of you. Everyone keeps telling me it's not my fault. Everyone keeps telling me it was unavoidable. Everyone keeps saying they love me, and that it's okay… But the one person I need to hear that from isn't saying it… And that's myself._

_I don't know how to love myself, when myself destroyed someone else. I don't know how it isn't my fault. I don't know how to not feel guilty about this anymore. I don't know how to let it be okay. I hear you telling me that you'll help me. I hear it, God… But you know me. I'm so stubborn. And I'm so hard-headed. I don't ever want to take help from anybody. But maybe, just this once, I'll let you help me. Just don't hurt me, okay? Please… Don't hurt me, God._

_When I talked to my Dad earlier, that was the first time I really ever felt forgiveness. Mom and the Ls and Christopher… They didn't have any reason to forgive me. It's not my fault that happened, I know. My dad… He did though. I kept the biggest secret of my life from him. And instead of being angry and pushing me away, he pulled me close and told me he loved me regardless. He'd forgive and forget. That's what he said to me. He loved me regardless. And I think, at that moment, I really began to understand you, God. I really did. You love me regardless. I get it. That's why you keep doing things for me. That's why you keep trying to pull me in. That's why I keep hearing you and feeling you. You love me despite my mistakes. And for the first time in ten years, I've realized something. You want me to be happy. I deserve to be happy. You didn't die for me to be miserable… You died for me to be happy. Right?_

_So here's what makes me happy, God… My parents. Lydia. Laura. Christina. The Inn. Coffee. The Bangles. Movie marathons. Ben and Jerry's. Stouffers Macaroni and Cheese. Al's Pancake World's Chinese night. My cell phone. _

_Nope, that's all… Really, it is… Okay, there might be one more thing. I know we're letting go here, but this is hard to admit. Because if I admit it, it means I have to do something about it. And if I have to do something about it, it means it might fail, and I might get hurt. You're telling me to look up three paragraphs. Oh yeah, you won't hurt me. I remember now. Okay, but this is hard for me._

_I know I've had a lot of failed relationships in the past. Most of them because of me and my own stubborn and selfish desires. This time, though, I feel like it might be right. It fits this time. It fits so well. It's like a brand new winter coat. The buttons are shiny and they stay in place. And it's still a black coat because it's so new that it hasn't even faded in the wash yet. Speaking of black coats, Michel has quite the nice black coat. That butterfly is still eating his hair. It's pretty funny, God._

_Okay. Back on track. Well, God… How do I put this… I go to this place for coffee… Okay fine… His name is Luke. I see you feigning surprise. You really aren't that funny, God. Luke Danes. My best friend, Luke. The one that gets me coffee every morning. Some days, if I can't stop by the diner, he'll even hand-deliver it to me at the inn. He can keep up with my somewhat witty banter. He never fails to surprise me. He's always willing to listen to me. I... I can't explain it, God. He's just a good friend. And he's the only guy that I'm willing to try and get over this for. He's the only guy that makes me want to ask for help. So, I'm asking, God. I want to be okay again. I want to be strong and bold. I want to be able to love someone again. And I want to be able to be loved._

_Thank you for listening to me, God. I know you heard me. My heart feels as if a Ford Chrysler has been lifted off it. I'm on the road to recovering, and I can feel you walking in front of me, paving the way._

_I guess the only thing to say right now is thank you…and I love you._

_Lorelai._


	13. Blueberry Muffins

A/N: Sorry about the delay, guys. Senior year, so life is crazy! I'll start updating more often, but reviews always help (they remind me). Thanks for all the ones from the last chapter, and because it took so long, I'll upload two chapters. Hope you enjoy!

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Lorelai sat down at the counter and rested her chin against her hands, waiting for Luke to come over. She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. Noticing he wasn't going to be paying any attention to her anytime soon, she trimmed her fingernails loudly against the countertop. She watched him flinch, but the only look he gave her was one that clearly wasn't favorable. She grinned. She loved teasing Luke. She pulled her cell phone out under the counter and dialed the number to the restaurant.

Luke groaned and answered the phone. "Luke's," he said gruffly.

Lorelai hung up. Luke groaned. Lorelai tried again.

"Luke's," Luke said again, a little more annoyed. Lorelai brought the phone to her ear and smiled sweetly.

"Isn't it rude to ignore your best customer?" She folded her hands in front of her and smiled at him.

"You're not my best customer." Luke said. "You never pay."

Lorelai huffed. "You never let me."

"That's because the last time I made you pay for your meal, you started going on about Alvin and the Chipmunks and how chipmunks don't have to pay for their meal and neither should you and I don't want to hear about chipmunks anymore, so I let you get away with eating here for free." Luke growled, hanging up the phone. He then turned around, looked Lorelai square in the eye, and pointed to the no cell phone sign.

Lorelai opened her mouth to protest. "But Luke, my cat died. She got in a car accident…" Lorelai let fake tears swell in her eyes. "She was driving. She'd only had a little bit to drink, but poor Muffin…"

"Oh geez!" Luke interrupted her, putting a coffee cup in front of her. "Will that shut you up?"

"I don't know if I'll ever get over Muffin," Lorelai said sadly, taking a sip of her coffee. Suddenly, she felt something hit her forehead. She looked down to see a blueberry muffin sitting on the counter.

"There! There's your precious muffin!" Luke said, heading over to another table. Lorelai giggled and happily opened the wrapper, eating the enclosed muffin.

Before she'd put three bites in her mouth, she heard Luke from behind her. "That stuff will kill you, you know?"

She nodded. "I've been told. But I've also been told that Santa Claus is real and that dinosaurs are extinct."

Luke looked at her funny. "Dinosaurs ARE extinct."

"Not uh!" Lorelai exclaimed. "Barney's a dinosaur and he's on PBS every morning at 10! Ha!" Luke rolled his eyes and brought his hand to his head.

"Right, I forgot about Barney."

"Aww, how could you forget about Barney?" Lorelai asked, feigning surprise.

"The only reason he's famous is because of that stupid song." Luke said, wiping the counter down.

"I love you, you love me…" Lorelai started, singing completely off-key. "We're a happy family, with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you love me too?"

"I love you, too." Luke said, looking at her. Lorelai looked up, stunned.

"W-w-w-what…" she stammered.

"I thought that might get you to shut up." Luke said, taking her coffee cup and putting it in the sink. Lorelai nodded and quickly and quietly got out of her seat.

"Thanks for breakfast." She said, walking quickly out of the diner. Luke watched her, his mind circling around one thought. _Could it be that she was actually disappointed?_

Lorelai walked home briskly and went up the stairs and opened the closet doors. Rummaging through everything in the closet she finally found an old box. She opened it up and pulled out her worn-out running shoes. She knew how she was going to get her mind off of this. She knew how to feel better. She was going to run.


	14. Out Of My League

Luke slipped on his running shoes and grabbed his iPod. "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands," he muttered to himself.

He opened the door to the diner and took off running. When he reached the edge of the town he picked up speed, letting his feet hit the pavement in a titter-tatter rhythm. _Wow. _He thought. _Running really can make you feel better._ He felt himself going faster as he pushed himself past the trees lining the side of the road. His breathing got heavier with each step he took. There was something about running, though. Something about being his own person, alone on a road with only the sound of his footsteps underneath him, that made him want to keep going and never stop.

As he ran, he became more aware of the music playing through the speakers in his ears. It didn't sound familiar to him, but he couldn't tell why. He began to listen to the words, amazed at how much they paralleled his own life.

_It's her hair and her eyes today_

_That just simply take me away_

_And the feeling that I'm falling further in love_

_Makes me shiver but in a good way_

_All the times I have sat and stared_

_As she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair_

_And she purses her lips, bats her eyes_

_And she plays with me sittin' there slacked jaw_

_And nothing to say_

Luke sighed as he thought about her. Lorelai. Lorelai Gilmore. He'd known her for years and yet he'd never realized the depth of his feelings before today. That look of disappointment when he'd said he was kidding. It gave him hope. He felt like he could now realize his emotions because maybe they weren't so far fetched after all. Maybe she returned them. He could only hope.

She made him nervous. When she walked through the door to the diner, his heart jumped. He spent all day waiting for that minute she'd walk through the door. Her bright blue eyes. Her long eyelashes. Her dark hair. It sent him over the top. But what he really loved… the one thing that drove him absolutely crazy… was the way she talked. The way her voice sounded. The way her sarcasm bit. The way he couldn't stop laughing inside whenever he was with her. The way she intimidated him. Not in a bad way, but in a way that made him stutter. He never knew what words would be coming out of his mouth when he was with her.

_Cause I love her with all that I am_

_And my voice shakes along with my hands_

_Yes she's all that I see and she's all that I need_

_And I'm out of my league once again_

He was so totally out of his league he didn't know what to do. Lorelai was beautiful. She was amazing. She was a breath of fresh air. And she was from high society. She didn't act like it, but she was. She was not diner man material. She wasn't fit to be with someone who wore flannel and a baseball cap to weddings. She wasn't that kind of girl. But he loved her. He loved her with everything he had. And he wondered if maybe that was enough. If maybe that could trump over his inadequacy. He couldn't stand the thought of not being with her. He needed her. He loved her.

_It's a masterful melody_

_When she calls out my name to me_

_As the world spins around her_

_She laughs, rolls her eyes_

_And I feel like I'm fallin' but it's no surprise_

He remembered the day she came to him when she'd broken up with Max. She'd sat down on the stool and told him all about her day. Her house had termites. Max and her had broken up and she felt broken. She hadn't had enough coffee that morning. She was having cramps. Her favorite pair of jeans didn't fit. She and her mom had a fight. She was so stressed out she'd let her head rest on the table counter. He'd brought her a cup of coffee and touched her arm lightly. When she looked up he'd already headed over to the other side of the counter.

"Luke…" she'd said. His heart had softened at the sound of it. He turned around and looked at her, giving her a small smile, but one that he knew was big for him. He hadn't said anything and she'd said "thank you." He'd nodded and walked over to her and whispered something in her ear about seeing a dog with narcolepsy. She'd smiled and burst into a fit of laughter, staring at him the entire time. It wasn't that the comment was hilarious, it was simply that it was stupid. And the stupidity of the comment made her laugh so hard. And as he watched the twinkle in her eyes, and the smile on her face, and as he heard the beautiful sound of laughter escaping her mouth, he fell in love with her all over again.

_Cause I love her with all that I am_

_And my voice shakes along with my hands_

_Cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea_

_But I'd rather be here than on land_

_Yes she's all that I see and she's all that I need_

_And I'm out of my league once again_

He felt like he'd jumped. Jumped head first in love with her and not given any thought to the instability of it all. He could get heartbroken. He could lose his best friend. He could feel empty inside forever. Yet none of it seemed to matter. He wanted to be in love with her. He wanted to jump head first into the raging sea of love. He wanted to be with her. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to hold her and show her how much he loved her. He didn't care how empty he might feel later. He didn't care how hard it was to watch her love other men and get her heart broken. He just cared about how good it felt to love someone else. To adore someone else. He loved being in love with her. When she came through the diner doors, everything stopped. The world around him disappeared. It was all a blur. And there, in complete focus was Lorelai Gilmore. The only one for him. The only sustenance for him. Where she lived off cheeseburgers, he lived off her.

_It's her hair and her eyes today_

_That just simply take me away_

_And the feeling that I'm falling further in love_

_Makes me shiver but in a good way_

_All the times I have sat and stared_

_As she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair_

_As she purses her lips, bats her eyes_

_And she plays with me sittin there slacked jaw_

_And nothing to say_

_Cause I love her with all that I am_

Suddenly he saw her. Running towards him. He smiled as he approached her. She was beautiful. Even with her hair pulled back into a ponytail and sweat dripping over her face, she was beautiful. Gorgeous, even. He wasn't close enough to see her blue eyes, but he knew they were beautiful. How could a woman look so good in a t-shirt and running shorts. He pulled the earphones out of his ear and slowed down as he reached her. She slowed down as she got to him and he thought he saw a small smile widen across her face. She stopped and put her hands on her hips, breathing harder. He smiled at her.

"Hey," She said breathlessly.

"Hi," he replied. They looked at each other for a moment. "Where you headed?"

"Home," she replied, panting. "I just ran a good two miles. I'm ready for some ice cold water."

Luke nodded. "Have fun." She looked at him for a minute and nodded before taking off towards the town. Luke turned around and watched her go. He swallowed hard as he watched her figure fade into a smaller shadow.

Before he could think twice, his feet hit the pavement and he was running faster than he'd ever run before, chasing after the woman he loved.


	15. Babette Eats Oatmeal

Luke finally caught up with Lorelai at the edge of the town's borders. The closer he got to her, the faster his body pushed. It was as if he was at the bottom of the ocean swimming up to the surface. The more light he saw, the faster he went, trying to beat the clock. When he'd almost caught up with her, she looked back at him and smiled. Before he could tell her to wait for him, she sped up, carrying her body faster than he'd seen her carry it before. She probably thought he was just running the same direction and didn't want to bother him. If she only knew.

Luke increased his speed and watched her from behind. _Not a bad view,_ he thought. _Actually, that's quite a nice view._ He grinned and tilted his head at a slight angle for a better view as he reached within feet of her.

"Lorelai, wait up," he called to her. She slowed down immediately and looked up at him.

"Hey again."

"Uh, hey." Luke muttered. "What are you doing?"

"Just running home…" Lorelai replied skeptically. "What are you doing?"

"Running."

"Oh, I didn't notice," Lorelai said sarcastically. She smiled at him, knowing he was nervous. What she didn't know was why.

"I, uh, missed you for lunch at the diner today." He said.

Lorelai grinned. It would be so easy to torture him now. "I had to go to the gyno," she said. She saw him blush.

"Ah, geez!" he said, running his hands through his hair. "I, uh, hope that went okay." _I hope that went okay? What are you, an idiot?_

"My gynecologist hit on me," Lorelai stated matter-of-factly. "He thought I looked good."

"I bet he did," Luke said without thinking.

Lorelai's eyes went wide as she slapped him, "Dirty!"

He looked down at the ground and then back up at her. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm sure that's not why he hit on you."

"Right, I forgot that I'm so unattractive underneath my clothes that no man would ever hit on me once he saw me like that," she replied coolly.

"Lorelai," he groaned. "That's not what I meant."

"Oh, then what did you mean?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I meant you're beautiful," He said. _Oh no… Now what do I do? Usually when I let her in to how I feel about her I preoccupy myself by giving her coffee… But now I can't… I can't just run away from her, that will look bad… Crap…_

"Me? Beautiful?" She asked incredulously. "I'm sorry, did Luke Danes just call me beautiful?"

"No." He replied, looking up at her. Her face drained a bit and Luke could see a new sadness creep into your eyes. "Okay, fine, yes, that's what I said. You're beautiful, okay?"

"Okay," she grinned and shrugged nonchalantly, trying to make him believe it didn't matter to her what he thought. _I just don't want to lose him. If he knows it meant a lot to me that he called me beautiful, he might get freaked out and run off._

"Lorelai, I…" he trailed off, looking at her.

"You what?" Lorelai asked.

"I…" it was then that Luke noticed Lorelai's shirt.

"You seriously bought one of those?" He asked, looking at her strangely.

"One of what?" Lorelai asked.

"Babette eats oatmeal. You bought the shirt. You bought the shirt from the village idiot."

"It was cute!" Lorelai defended.

"It was a rip-off."

"It matched my shoes."

"Ah geez." Luke said, looking at her.

"Okay, so this has been a sufficiently awkward conversation," Lorelai muttered to herself. "What did you want, Luke?"

"Will you come to the diner tonight?" he asked.

"Luke, I come to the diner every night," Lorelai said.

"I know, but today's Chinese night at Al's and I thought maybe you'd go there instead but I want you to come to the diner."

"You want me to come to the diner on Chinese Night?" Lorelai asked, feigning disbelief.

"Yes," Luke said.

Lorelai mulled it over for a minute. "Okay," she shrugged and sprinted down the street, and before he knew it, she was out of his sight.

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At five-thirty, Luke took a wet rag and started wiping down the counters. He wasn't sure what time Lorelai would stop by for dinner, but he wanted to be prepared when she did. He still had to shower again, and get dressed in something a bit nicer than his flannel and jeans, and of course, he had to cook her dinner. In the meantime, he had to get everyone out of the diner, and fast. He was going to have hard time explaining to the town why he was closed so early, but he figured he'd find a way.

Luke walked over to where Kirk was sitting and without saying anything, lifted up his plate and wiped underneath it. Kirk watched him with furrowed eyebrows, wondering what he was doing.

"Luke," Kirk stated, "Now I can't drop my pickle."

"What?" Luke asked, irritated.

"My pickle. I always drop it on the table while I'm eating and then pick it up and eat it. The crumbs from my sandwich that fell on the table usually stick to the pickle, giving it a nice, crunchy texture."

"So go outside and drop it in the dirt." Luke said, picking up Kirk's drink and silverware and taking it behind the counter. He then took his rag and started cleaning off all the empty tables.

"People, we're closed. Get out of here." He yelled, giving evil stares to anyone that looked as if they were going to protest. "Go."

"But Luke!" Kirk whined.

"Kirk, go, or I'll call your mother," Luke growled. The townspeople quickly got up and scurried out the door, leaving Luke to wipe down the tables and sweep the floor. When everything looked clean, Luke locked the door and headed upstairs to get ready for his date.

Luke ran a brush through his hair and looked at himself in the mirror. _I look good._ He said to himself. _I look old though… Now I remember why I always wear jeans and a baseball cap. I wonder if Lorelai will like this outfit. Maybe I should change… Is blue my color? Ah geez. Do I even have a color? This is why I need a girl somewhere. Or at least a manual._

Luke hurried down the stairs and into the kitchen. He at least wanted the diner to smell like yummy food, whether or not the food was ready. He'd just put the chicken in the oven when he heard a knock on the door.

"Luke! Open up!" he heard Lorelai yell as he walked over to the door. There she was. Her jeans looked perfect on her. Her hair was wavy, just the way he liked it. Her blue eyes were sparkling. And she was wearing that shirt. The Babette Eats Oatmeal shirt. Again. Had she not changed when she got home?

He quickly opened the door, "Hey come on in." She smiled and came in and sat down at the counter.

"Uh, Luke… Where is everybody? Why are you closed?" she asked.

"We're having dinner together," he replied, as if the answer should be obvious. "It would be rude of me to have people in here when you and I are eating."

Lorelai looked at him for a minute. "Wait…" she trailed off.

"Wait what?" he asked, nervousness overtaking him.

"Is this a date?" Lorelai asked, biting her lip. Luke froze. He hadn't ever made it clear to her what his intentions were. He hadn't even asked her. He'd just ordered her to come to the diner. He'd never told her it was a date.

"Uh no…" he said flustered, fishing for an excuse. "I just, uh, wanted to, uh, have dinner with you."

"Luke, if I would have known…." She started, but he interrupted her.

"You wouldn't have come… You're not interested… It's okay," Luke said, going into the kitchen.

Lorelai followed him, "actually, I was going to say I wouldn't have worn this shirt. I just wore it to tease you. I could have worn something else to tease you with."

Luke looked at her. "Dirty." He replied, pushing the mushrooms around in the pan. "I can't believe you wore the same shirt to dinner that you wore to go running in."

"I did not!" Lorelai protested.

"Yes you did, I saw it this afternoon," Luke said.

"Actually, I bought two of the Babette shirts." Lorelai said.

"You're kidding."

"Well, I have two cute pairs of shoes that match the shirt…." Lorelai said, taking a sip of the water Luke had poured for her.

"Ah geez." Luke replied.

"You know, Luke… Usually when people want to go on a date with someone, they ask the person and let them get dressed and take a shower and everything. Give the person the opportunity to say no."

"I didn't want you to say no…" Luke said so quietly Lorelai could barely hear him. "Lorelai…"

Lorelai looked at him, "Yes, Luke?"

"Will you, uh, go on a date with me?" he asked, trying to seem confident.

"Hmm, I might have to think about that," she replied, putting her finger to her lips.

"Oh." Luke said, disappointed. He turned back to his food and only a moment later, Lorelai tapped his shoulder.

"Luke."

He looked at her, waiting for her response.

"I've already thought about it. Of course I want to go on a date with you."


	16. Maggie Carpenter

Lorelai took a sip of her wine and smiled lightly. This was nice. This dinner with Luke, it was nice. Luke was strange to her. Not that she didn't know him, or love him even, he was just strange. He was one of those guys you didn't ever picture dating or being in a relationship, yet it wasn't because he didn't deserve it or wouldn't make someone happy. It was just because he was Luke. Baseball cap Luke. Diner guy Luke. There was just something about him that made you think he was going to grow up with a diner and customers and be perfectly content. But maybe there was something about her that made people think she was going to grow up with an inn and a Babette Eats Oatmeal shirt and be perfectly content. She wouldn't be.

She took a bite of the dinner he'd made her. Chicken Parmesan, garlic bread and green beans and salad, which she ate just to be polite. She didn't want to insult Luke on their first date. Not that it mattered when she insulted him anyway, she insulted him every day, but she wanted this date to be special for him. And what's more special than one whole night where Lorelai Gilmore says nothing to offend you?

She looked over at Luke and noticed him staring at her. She smiled lightly and he returned the smile. She bit her lip a little.

"Do you want to know a secret?" she asked. He nodded. "Promise you won't tell."

"I won't tell," he stated.

"I'm a little nervous," she said, and then laughed at herself. "I don't know why. You're Luke! I'm Lorelai."

"Thank you for that lesson," he said. She looked at him and started laughing again.

"You know what I mean, though. We've known each other for who knows how long. I've had dinner with you before. I mean, I have breakfast, lunch and dinner with you every day. Why am I so nervous?"

"Because you're drinking wine?" he replied. She shook her head. "Then why?"

Lorelai looked at him for a moment and then continued. "Maybe because I've wanted this for so long and I'm so scared I'm going to screw it up."

"Screw it up?" he asked.

"You know. Talk too much, eat too much. Be stupid. Make it obvious to you that you deserve so much more than me." She looked down at her food.

"Hey. I chose you, remember?" he said. She looked up at him. "You do talk too much, and you do eat too much, but I still want to be here with you." She smiled at him and squinted her eyes a little. As he looked at her, he could tell she was processing what he'd just said.

"I just hope you keep choosing me," she said softly. He reached out and touched the top of her hand. She looked up and he winked at her in his own special way of telling her he would.

* * *

Lorelai hopped out of the shower the next morning and wrapped the robe tight around her body. She smiled at herself in the mirror. _I look good. Skinny._ Lorleai thought. She smiled at herself and pulled the sundress over her body. She ran her fingers through her wet hair and scrunched it up into curls, smiling as it touched her shoulders. She clasped her necklace onto her neck and smiled as she applied a light lipstick on her lips. If she was dating Luke Danes, she was at least going to make him look at her like she was dating him.

She grabbed her purse and headed down the stairs, nervous and anxious to get to Luke's. The doorbell rang just as she got to the last step, and she looked at the door funny for a minute before it registered in her mind. _Who in the world is at my door at this time? What are they, crazy?_

Lorelai opened the door and smiled as a cup of coffee was thrust into her hands. "Well, you're a sight for sore eyes," she said.

"I know I am. That's what everyone tells me," Lydia replied, grinning. "Want to do breakfast? I found this great place just a little bit from here."

"Um, I guess so," Lorelai said, a little disappointed that she wouldn't be seeing Luke this morning. She noticed Lydia giving her a look and quickly added, "Just make sure they have French toast, I love French toast."

"They have the best French toast this side of Connecticut," Lydia said, grinning. "And the owner's not too shabby looking."

Lorelai laughed. "I'm in then!" she said. She and Lydia raced out the door to Lydia's jeep.

As Lydia drove towards town, Lorelai mentally retraced her steps from her run yesterday afternoon. She smiled when she reached the town sign where Luke had asked her on their "date." She bit her lip lightly and gasped when Lydia slowed down and parked on the road.

"This is where we're going?" she asked in disbelief as Lydia opened the door and grabbed a seat inside. Lydia nodded.

"Isn't the owner a cutie?"

"He is quite handsome," Lorelai smiled as he made his way over. He looked down at her. "Hi," she said softly.

"Hello Lorelai." He said, letting his eyes linger on her for a moment longer before turning to Lydia. "Lydia, right?"

"Yes," she said, smiling. "You remember a name quite well."

"I try," he said. "I'll give you two lovely ladies a chance to look over the menu."

Lydia smiled and turned to Lorelai. "Oh my gosh, he's so cute. He was totally flirting with us."

Lorelai grinned and curled her finger. She cupped her hand around Lydia's ears and whispered, "Actually, he was flirting with me, not you." Lydia pulled her head back.

"Not uh, he thinks I'm cute!" she said grinning. "I'll ask him, here he comes."

He made his way over to them and smiled, "Lorelai, what can I get you?"

"French toast, three and a half slices of bacon, two scrambled eggs, chocolate milk, a coffee, and hash browns, please." Lorelai replied. He looked at her.

"That all?"

"Oooh! And a chocolate chip muffin!" Lorelai squealed as Luke wrote the order down.

"Of course." He said, and turned to Lydia. "And what about you?" He smiled at her. In his mind, if he was nice to Lorelai's friends, he'd won her over.

"I'll have oatmeal and some orange juice, please." She replied. "Oh, and Luke?"

"Yes?" he asked, looking at her.

"Lorelai doesn't believe me that you fancy us."

"Is that so?" Luke asked, turning to look at Lorelai.

"Mmhmm," Lydia nodded, eyeing them.

"I fancy you," Luke said, staring at Lorelai. "You know I do."

Lorelai smiled. "Coffee."

Luke laughed. "That stuff'll kill ya." He walked away and Lorelai watched him as Lydia turned to her.

"Lorelai!" she exclaimed. "What was that all about?"

"Lydia, keep your voice down. Even the trees are spies."

"Lorelai, why was diner guy flirting with you like that?"

"We had a little date last night, that's all," Lorelai shrugged it off.

"I hope that's not all it was to you," Luke came up behind her and poured her a cup of coffee.

Lorelai looked up at him. "Of course it wasn't, pumpkin." Luke made a face and Lydia watched them, laughing.

"Oh my gosh," she whispered at Lorelai. "You're in love with him."

"I am not," Lorelai said. "I just like his tight butt."

"Lorelai, you're not the grandma in _Runaway Bride, _and please don't go all Maggie Carpenter on this one," Lydia said.

"I'm not," Lorelai said. "Not this time. Not him." Lydia looked at her and studied her face for a moment.

"Oh my god," she said. "You're really in it."

Lorelai smiled as her breakfast was placed in front of her. "I'm all in."

Luke placed Lydia's plate in front of her and leaned down and whispered in Lorelai's ear, "I just want you to know, I'm all in too." Lorelai smiled up at him and Lydia watched the two of them, hoping and praying that this time Lorelai would really stick with it.


	17. The Value Menu

A/N: Because you were good, you get two chapters. Yay! Review, Review, Review! This is fluff, pretty much, but it gets good soon. :) Hope you like!

* * *

Lorelai slid into the drivers seat of her seat and placed her hands on the wheel. She looked over to the passenger seat and smiled. There he was. Luke, in all his glory. The plaid shirt. The faded blue jeans. The backwards baseball cap. The half-way smirk.

"What are you smiling at?" he asked her, smirking. She blinked and shook her head, as if to clear the thoughts from her head.

"I'm sorry?" Lorelai asked, putting the car in drive and driving out of Stars Hollow.

"Why were you grinning?" He asked again.

"Oh, I'm just thinking about how much fun you're going to have," she replied, letting out a suppressed giggle.

"Wait. Where are we going?" Luke said, turning his head to watch the _Welcome To Stars Hollow_ sign fading in the distance.

"Hartford, of course," Lorelai replied as if it was the only possible answer. Luke stared at her blankly and then turned his attention back to the road, deciding to let it go.

Lorelai focused on driving for a moment, before beginning to sing softly in an annoying rhythm. _Big Mac, McBLT, a Quarter-Pounder with some cheese, Filet-O-Fish, a hamburger, a cheeseburger, a Happy Meal…_

"What are you singing?" Luke asked, staring at her with the annoyed expression he'd perfected after so many years.

"The McDonalds Menu Song," Lorelai replied matter of factly. "Duh." Lorelai began singing again. _McNuggets, tasty golden French fries, regular or large size and salads: chef salad, or garden or chicken salad oriental. _Luke rolled his eyes as Lorelai continued, _Big breakfast, Egg McMuffin, hot hot cakes, and sausage. Maybe biscuits, bacon, egg and cheese, a sausage, Danish, hash browns too._

"Geez, Lorelai! It's after 11. Stop singing about breakfast," Luke retorted.

"Fine," Lorelai said and stopped singing for a moment. _And for dessert… hot apple pies, and sundaes three varieties, a soft-serve cone, three kinds of shakes, and chocolate chip cookies._

"Oh my gosh. I'm turning on the radio," Luke said, reaching for the button.

"Broken," Lorelai replied, grinning. "We'll just have to make our own music." Lorelai grinned and continued, _And to drink a Coca Cola, Diet Coke and Orange Drink, a Sprite and coffee, decaf too. A lowfat milk, also an orange juice…_

Lorelai turned right into the parking lot of her destination, rolled her window down and sang at the top of her lungs. _I love McDonalds, good time, good taste and I get this all at one place!_

Luke sank down to the bottom of his seat. "I can't believe you're taking me on a date to McDonalds. When I said pick the place, I thought you would pick a movie theatre or a French restaurant or a bowling alley or something."

"I like the value meal… Plus, McDonalds has so much. They have a _Big Mac, McBLT…" _Lorelai began singing again.

Luke looked over at her and put his hand over her mouth. "I know what they have, you already told me."

Lorelai grinned and nodded. When Luke wouldn't move his hand off her mouth she stuck her tongue out and licked him, and he pulled away quickly. "Let's go, honey," she said, climbing out of the jeep.

Luke got out of the jeep and dragged his body into McDonalds. He saw Lorelai sit down at a table in the back, right next to the door. "Lorelai," he said, sitting down next to her. "This isn't a fancy restaurant. Waiters in tuxedos don't come and take your order here."

"I know, Luke. I have been to Mickey D's before," she said, as a bell dinged in the background as a new customer came through the door.

"Luke! Move! I can't see!" Lorelai exclaimed, pushing him out of the way. Luke sat down across the table and looked at her. She was studying the new customer, a somewhat heavyweight woman with a floral printed dress and purple makeup.

"Hmm…" she said, pondering something.

"What?" Luke said.

"Melba's going to get the Chicken Oriental Salad because she thinks she's fat. She's going to get some golden crispy French fries and a diet coke, too."

"Melba? What are you talking about?"

"The woman dressed like a floral curtain gone wrong," Lorelai said.

"I'm so confused."

"Melba, the woman dressed like a floral curtain gone wrong, is ordering a Chicken Oriental Salad, French fries, and a diet coke," Lorelai said, as if Luke had just been born yesterday.

"You guess peoples' orders?" Luke said, as the woman walked away, a Chicken Oriental Salad, large fries, and a diet coke in tote.

Lorelai pumped her arm in the air "YES!" Luke rolled his eyes.

"How long are you going to do this?" he asked Lorelai.

"I never get sick of this. I'm a natural. If this was an Olympic sport, I would be the queen," Lorelai replied. Luke looked at her, his forehead scrunched in confusion. "I mean, if this was an Olympic sport I'd be the medalist… and if this was England I'd be the queen." Luke nodded slowly. "It's more fun if you play," Lorelai said, grabbing a napkin. "Quick, give me your pen."

"You have got to stop assuming I carry a pen with me everywhere I go," Luke said, reaching into his shirt pocket and pulling out a pen and handing it to her. He watched as Lorelai scribbled furiously, and then handed him a napkin with the words to the McDonalds song written on it.

"What's this for?"

"You're not as talented as I am. You don't know the whole menu yet," Lorelai said simply.

"And to think you have a Yale degree," Luke replied, taking the napkin and rolling his eyes.

Two hours later and Luke was bored out of his mind, watching Lorelai guess every single person's order, correctly on top of that. He yawned as the bell rang behind him. "Lorelai…" he groaned.

"Fine, Luke, let's go," she said, eyeing the new customer and not moving from her seat. "Marvin's going to get a sweet tea and a Quarter Pounder. And fries." Lorelai watched as Marvin ordered, getting up and grabbing her purse, her eyes never moving from him as he waited for the food to hit his tray. He turned around and looked at her and grinned. Lorelai smiled lightly as her face went white and she rushed out the door and into the jeep. Luke watched as Marvin walked away carrying something completely different than what Lorelai had originally ordered. He smiled and laughed lightly and walked out the door and got into the jeep.

"What'd Marvin get?" Lorelai asked, speeding away from the McDonalds.

"Oh, I uh.. .didn't pay attention." Luke stammered. Lorelai nodded and kept driving. "Where are we going now? Burger King?"

"No," Lorelai said, grinning. "Wendy's." Luke chuckled and smiled over at Lorelai. He reached his hand across the middle of them and put it on her leg palm up, waiting for her to take her hand off the wheel and hold his.

Lorelai slowed to a stop as a red light glared ahead, and she looked over at Luke with a serious look on her face. She bit her lip and smiled, looking down at his hand. She put her hand on top of his, curling her fingers around his, and squeezed softly. Luke looked over at her and blushed. She smiled at the control she had over him, and put her feet to the gas, accelerating.

"So where are we really going?" Luke asked her.

"I'm taking you ice skating."

"I don't know how," Luke said, looking down at his lap. "I never learned."

"It's okay," Lorelai said, squeezing his hand as she turned into the parking lot surrounding the pond. "I'll teach you."

Luke smiled as Lorelai parked. He opened his door and climbed out, running around to the driver's side to let her out.

Lorelai opened the door without seeing Luke and gasped when his hand appeared to let her out. "Why thank you." She flirted.

"You're welcome milady. Now, where are our ice skates?"

"You need ice skates to go ice skating?" Lorelai asked, her mouth dropping.

Luke looked at her for a minute. "Um, yeah…"

"I must have forgot," Lorelai said, hitting herself in the head. "I'm such a loser. I shouldn't be allowed to use a fork, I can't even remember ice skates to go ice skating." Lorelai said.

Luke chuckled. "It's okay, we can just watch."

"Watch?" Lorelai asked, incredulously.

"Watch." Luke repeated, going to the back of her jeep and pulling out a picnic blanket he'd put in her trunk just in case. He spread it out over the hood of the jeep and climbed up, offering her his hand.

"We're going to sit on my car and watch other people ice skate?" Lorelai asked, a smile threatening to form. "This was one thing I never put on my to-do before I die list."

Luke smiled and leaned back against the windshield, wrapping his arms around Lorelai. She cuddled up next to him and watched the skaters circling around the ice.

There were two teenage couples, a mother with her two daughters, and another woman who looked like she was just skating to get some exercise in. He watched them all, wondering if ice skating was really all that fun. He focused on the woman for a minute and scrunched his forehead, watching her.

Lorelai looked up at him and smiled. "A quarter for your thoughts." She stated.

"I'd be ripping you off," Luke said. "That's twenty-four cents too much."

Lorelai laughed lightly. "You're checking out that woman, aren't you?"

"No!" Luke said, a little too loudly and harshly. The woman turned around and looked at Luke. Lorelai followed his glance and rested her eyes on the woman as she put her skate guards on and walked over to them.

"Hello, Luke." She said, flirting. Lorelai looked at him with a look of shock. "And… Lorelai, is that you?" The woman asked looking at her. Lorelai looked back at her and stopped for a minute, before recognizing her immediately.

"Hi," Lorelai stammered. "You two, uh.. you two know each other?" she asked.

Luke opened his mouth but the woman cut him off. "Luke and I dated for a while," she said smiling. "Best years of my life, wouldn't you agree, Luke?"

Lorelai's eyes went wide as her head whipped over to stare at Luke. "Luke?"

He looked like a deer caught in headlights. "Jordan…" Lorelai cleared her throat. Luke took his baseball cap off and ran his hands through his hair.

"Luke?" Lorelai countered again, an edge to her voice.

Luke nodded at Lorelai and turned back to Jordan. "We had a thing, we don't anymore. It was good when it lasted, but it wasn't the best part of my life. I'm sorry."

Jordan looked at him for a moment, her eyes flashing. "So, are the best years of your life with _her_?" She spat.

Lorelai looked up at her, her mouth half open. "Don't talk to her like that," Luke said. "You don't even know her."

Jordan stared at Lorelai. "Oh, I do. Once a tramp, always a tramp, Lorelai." She turned and walked away, leaving Lorelai and Luke sitting on the hood of the Jeep, staring after her.

"You know her?" Luke asked.

"I went to high school with her," Lorelai said, sliding off the trunk of her car. "You dated her, I hated her." She grabbed the blanket off the hood and went around the back and threw it in the trunk. Luke appeared next to her.

"Lorelai…"

"Luke," Lorelai said, slamming the trunk door. "What's the biggest mistake you ever made in your life?"

Luke looked at her. "Let's talk about this in the car."

Lorelai nodded, got in the car, and drove to the side of a nearby deserted road. "Luke?"

Luke opened his mouth and closed it. Lorelai looked at him as he tried to formulate words in his mouth. He grabbed her hand and opened his mouth to speak once more.


	18. Exposed

_Jordan stared at Lorelai. "Oh, I do. Once a tramp, always a tramp, Lorelai." She turned and walked out, leaving Lorelai and Luke sitting on the hood of the Jeep, staring after her._

_"You know her?" Luke asked._

_"I went to high school with her," Lorelai said, sliding off the trunk of her car. "You dated her, I hated her." She grabbed the blanket off the hood and went around the back and threw it in the trunk. Luke appeared next to her._

_"Lorelai…"_

_"Luke," Lorelai said, slamming the trunk door. "What's the biggest mistake you ever made in your life?"_

_Luke looked at her. "Let's talk about this in the car."_

_Lorelai nodded and got in the car and drove out of the parking lot and onto another road. "Luke?"_

_Luke opened his mouth and closed it. Lorelai looked at him as he tried to formulate words in his mouth. He grabbed her hand and opened his mouth to speak once more._

"I was fourteen," Luke started, not quite sure what to say and uncomfortable with having to say too much. "And I borrowed my Dad's truck. Of course I couldn't drive, I mean, I was fourteen." He looked at Lorelai to see if she was still listening to him, and when she looked at him she nodded him to go on.

"Well, Kirk was on his unicycle. He'd just gotten it." Luke gave Lorelai a look and raised his eyebrows, a chuckle forming in his voice. "Taylor was yelling about some new raisins or something… I can't really remember."

"Are raisins really essential to the story?" Lorelai quipped. Luke looked at her. "Sorry," she muttered. "Go on, go on," she waved her hand as if to illustrate.

"So, Kirk heard about the raisins and tried to cut in front of me to ride his unicycle into Doose's, and of course I swerved. Probably shouldn't because then we wouldn't have to deal with Kirk, but hey, hindsight is 20/20."

Lorelai laughed a little and Luke smiled at her. "So, I swerved, and I swerved so hard into my Dad's Hardware Store."

Lorelai covered her mouth. "So yeah. Needless to say, my Dad didn't know I'd taken the truck The glass crashed all over the place, the car was ruined. Some little kid in the corner got glass stuck in her doll's hair."

"So you crashed the truck and ruined the hardware store."

"Basically. Who wants to buy nails and wood and hammers from a man whose building comes down with one little truck and a fourteen-year-old son?" Luke said.

"What'd your Dad do?" Lorelai asked, bring her knees up to her chest and turning to face him, leaning against the car door.

"He looked at me mortified, then he ran over and took me in his arms and asked me if I was okay."

"Did he yell at you or anything?" Lorelai asked.

"Well, he didn't talk much for a few hours, and he made me pay for the damage by working in his store."

"Understandable" Lorelai stated.

"Yeah, but after I'd paid him back, he gave me the money. Told me he just wanted me to responsible."

"Woah," Lorelai said. "So I guess that wasn't that bad."

"Well, I beat myself up for it a lot, but yeah, Dad was real good," Luke said. "He made me feel like it was okay." Lorelai smiled and squeezed his hand, trying to imagine teenage Luke crashing into the hardware store.

"What about you?" Luke asked, squeezing her hand back.

"What about me?" Lorelai asked, forgetting her original question.

"Biggest mistake." Luke said. Lorelai bit her lip and looked at her hands, tears threatening to form in her eyes. She looked up at Luke and tried to smile at him. She started to shake her head, and he nodded, but then she stopped.

"You don't have to tell me," Luke said quickly. "It's okay."

Lorelai studied him for a moment, before kicking herself inside. _You want to be with this man. You want to be happy with him. You have to tell him sometime… I'm going to tell him._

"I'll tell you," Lorelai said, wiping the hair out of her face, and blinking back the tears. Lorelai sighed and opened her mouth. She felt Luke run his thumb over her hand and she smiled lightly and looked up at him.

"I was seventeen. I had sex with my boyfriend. I got pregnant," Lorelai stopped there. Luke looked at her in shock. _She had an abortion? She has a kid I don't know about? No, she wouldn't call her child a mistake._

Luke looked at her for a minute, wondering if she'd go on. "Um, what happened?"

Lorelai looked at him. "I miscarried." Luke swallowed, a million thoughts running through his head. _Is she okay? How did she deal with that? Is that why she has such a hard trouble with relationships? Is this the break-up? Is that what Jordan was talking about earlier? Did everyone know?_

Luke squeezed her hand softly, and tears fell down Lorelai's face. Luke pulled her closer to him, taking her in his arms. She laid her head against his chest. "Chris told everyone. He must have told Jordan. I didn't know she knew… I mean, she always thought I was a tramp, but I wasn't. We only did it once. And it's not like she can talk. It just hurts…" Lorelai rambled on and on, and Luke stared at her confusingly, wondering what to do. He put his hand over her mouth and she looked at him wide-eyed.

"Are you okay, Lorelai?"

Lorelai looked at him and nodded. "It was a long time ago."

"Are you okay, Lorelai?" he repeated, wanting her to know that time had nothing to do with his question.

"I'm getting there," she smiled weakly. "You can leave if you want. You probably think I'm trash."

"No." Luke said. "I'm all in, remember?"

Lorelai wiped her eyes on Luke's shirt and then looked up at him. "Oh, sorry."

Luke ran his fingers through her hair, "It's okay, Lorelai."

Lorelai stared up at him. He was perfect. He'd taken the news perfectly. He hadn't belittled her pain or tried to gloss over it, but he had moved on and not stayed on the depressing topic for too long. And he was still there, holding her tight and being with her. _This is it. _She thought. _He's the one I want forever._

"Luke." Lorelai said, wiping her tears from her face. Luke looked at her and didn't say a word, but his eyes said it all. He was going to do whatever he could to be there for her. "Can we wait?" Lorelai asked softly, scared of what he might say, regardless of what his eyes said.

"Wait." Luke repeated. Lorelai looked up at him and nodded.

"Until we're married… maybe… Until I'm ready… I don't know… Just wait," Lorelai said.

"I'll wait for you. I want you, but I'll wait forever for you." Luke said, kissing her forehead.

"I won't make you wait forever," Lorelai smiled.

Luke looked at her and squeezed her hand. "It doesn't change anything about us. It won't change how I feel about you."

Lorelai smiled. "Really?"

"You made a mistake, Lorelai. I made a mistake once or twice. It's impacted your life enough already."

Lorelai smiled and scooted over to the drivers side, keeping her hand in Luke's. She smiled as Luke scooted over as close to her as he could. He picked up her hand in his and kissed it. She smiled and started the car and drove home. She would never be over this, but she would be happy. She would be happy with Luke.


	19. Happy

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter. The were just enough for me to finish this story up. :) There are still about 7 or 8 chapters yet, and I hope you enjoy where this story goes because I've really enjoyed writing it. This is the first fanfic I've actually WANTED to finish, haha. Hope you enjoy this chapter. **

* * *

"Richard?" Emily called up the stairs as she opened the door. "Come down, we have a guest."

Richard appeared at the top of the stairs, fastening his tie in place. "Emily, you know I have to take a call in a few moments. I can't stay long, but I will certainly greet whoever is at the door."

"Richard," Emily said, staring at him as she opened the door.

"Mom," Lorelai said, smiling. Emily looked at her daughter. She looked different today. There was something about her that Emily just couldn't place, no matter how much she tried. She looked her over. Her hair was the same color, the same length. It was a little more curly than normal, but that wasn't what was different. Her eyes were the same bright blue they'd always been. She hadn't put any weight on her perfect body. She hadn't forgotten to shave. Emily couldn't for the life of her figure out what was so different about her only daughter.

"Why, Lorelai, what a pleasant surprise!" Richard exclaimed, hurrying down the stairs and offering a small hug to his daughter. "You look absolutely stunning," he said, and turned to Emily. "Doesn't she, Emily?"

Emily smiled at Richard, "Yes, she does dear." She turned to Lorelai. "You look beautiful. I can't place my finger on it… What's changed?"

Lorelai smiled and shrugged softly. "Oh well, come in, come in. I'll put on some tea and meet you and your father in the living room." Emily exited through the kitchen as Richard led his daughter into the living room and sat next to her. The phone rang just as Emily was pouring water into the kettle.

"Richard! Your call," Emily called to him. Lorelai looked at her father and smiled.

"Tell him I'll call him back," Richard said, patting Lorelai's hand. Lorelai looked at her father in amazement. He'd never given up one of his "very important calls" for her. Lorelai couldn't help but wonder how much their talk the month before had changed their relationship. Richard smiled at Lorelai. "So, to what do we owe this pleasant surprise?"

Lorelai smiled as her mother entered, holding her tea tray and handing Lorelai a cup of tea. "I hope tea is fine, we ran out of the good coffee. Your father has been hoarding it lately."

"Tea's just fine, thank you mom," Lorelai smiled, taking a sip of it, knowing full-well that her mother had already made her tea just the way she liked it prepared. Emily served Richard and then sat down across from Lorelai.

Lorelai smiled at them. "I just wanted to tell you something," she started. Emily raised her eyebrows and Richard reached for her hand instinctively. "It's good, I promise. Or at least I hope it'll keep being good because right now it's really good. I mean really, really good and I don't want it to end because I don't know if I could deal with it if things stopped being really good…" Lorelai trailed off as Emily stared at her, perplexed.

"What's 'really good', Lorelai?" she asked.

"Oh, sorry. I just started rambling and couldn't stop…" Emily laughed as Lorelai's mouth ran on. Lorelai looked up and blushed, "Sorry. His name is Luke."

"Luke." Emily repeated, eyeing Lorelai.

"Yes, well, actually it's Lucas "Butch" William Danes, but he goes by Luke. He owns a diner."

"A diner?" Richard asked.

"Yes, a diner, Dad. He makes the best coffee in the whole world. He keeps me fed. And he makes me eat my vegetables," Lorelai nodded, as if trying to prove her point to her parents.

Richard looked at her sternly. "I have two questions," he said.

Lorelai swallowed, "Yes?"

"Does he treat you right?" Richard asked.

"Like a princess," Lorelai replied, smiling. Her mind quickly shifted to how much of a gentleman he'd been over the years and how he had always taken care of her. She remembered the time she had to go to the Dragonfly, even as she was dreadfully ill, and how he'd snuck into her house, set up the couch for her with pillows and blankets, and set a pitcher full of water and a remote on the table, and a puke bucket next to her on the floor. He'd also moved the DVD player so that it was just within arms reach, and put a stack of romantic-comedies on top of it for her to watch as she was sick, most of them unopened. The cutest part, however, was the little note he'd left attached to the water pitcher. _I'm speed dial 2 (hope you don't mind). I'll call every hour. Call if you need anything. Feel better._

"Lorelai?" Richard said, interrupting her thoughts.

"What?" she asked, unaware he'd already asked his second question.

"I asked you a question."

"I'm sorry, I was daydreaming," Lorelai replied slowly. "I'm listening now, go ahead."

"Do you love him?" Richard asked.

Lorelai looked at her father for a moment and smiled. "Yeah, I do." She replied, thinking of all of the reasons she loved Luke. She loved his gruff tone in the morning, how he always knew what she needed and wanted before she did. She loved how he got shy and twisted and nervous when he was around her. She loved how she could tell him anything, and how he trusted her so completely. She loved everything about Luke, from his heart to his brawn.

Richard smiled. "Then I guess I'll love him too." Lorelai smiled as Richard got up and kissed her forehead. "I've got to make a phone call. I'll be in my study." Lorelai smiled and watched her father leave, and then turned to her mother.

"Well?" She asked.

"Well, what? You're the one telling the story. Get on with it, missy!" Emily said, grinning and scooting closer to Lorelai in anticipation.

"Well, he's absolutely perfect, Mom…" she started. Emily smiled as she listened to her daughter tell all about how Luke and she had met, how they'd fallen in love, how he'd been so understanding about the baby. How Lorelai itched to spend every waking day with him. She found herself imagining Lorelai in a white wedding dress, flowers in her hair, walking down the aisle to the man she loved, and Emily couldn't help but smile at the image.

"Are you going to marry this boy?" Emily asked, trying to simply sound like an innocent listener without her own agenda or thoughts on the matter.

Lorelai thought very carefully before opening her mouth to speak. "Mom, do you remember the movie _When Harry Met Sally?_"

"Yes," Emily replied, puzzled.

"There's this one line in the movie that sums up all of my existence right now. Harry and Sally are talking at New Years, and Harry tells Sally, "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." I don't know, I guess that's how I feel. So yeah, Mom, I want to marry Luke." Lorelai smiled at her, and then looked down at her hand, gazing at her fingers and wishing for the ring to adorn one of them, someday.

Emily watched her daughter with amazement. She'd finally figured out what was different about Lorelai. She was happy.

* * *

Richard twiddled his thumbs against the mahogany of his desk. His baby, all grown up and in love. A strange feeling overcame him. Regret? Nostalgia? Happiness? He couldn't put his finger on it. There was something disheartening, and at the same time thrilling, about watching his daughter falling in love. There was fear. A fear that she would grow up, move away, and forget all about her father. A fear that he wouldn't be able to deal with her leaving. But mostly, a fear that her heart may get broken. A fear that this man, this Luke, would break his daughter, just as she'd begun to be fixed. There was a fear that his daughter would be so hurt by this man that she might let go of all men in her life, perhaps permanently. It was a fear that paralyzed him to the core.

He jumped as the phone rang in his study. "I got it," he called out to Lorelai and Emily, even though he knew that they both knew he would answer it quickly. "Richard Gilmore speaking," he spoke into the receiver.

"Richard, Luke Danes… I'm dating your daughter."

"Oh, hello Lucas. How may I help you?" Richard asked, wondering what could merit a phone call from his daughter's latest love interest.

"I was wondering if I might be allowed to take you out for a drink. I'd like to talk to you about something," Luke replied, shaking a bit in his voice. Whereas it would have seemed to be a sign of weakness in any other phone call, knowing that Lorelai was smitten with the man on the other line made Richard critique him less strongly.

"Well, sure, son. I'll meet you at Ronaldo's in thirty minutes, is that adequate time?"

"Oh, sure," Luke replied, seeming a bit flabbergasted. "I'll be there. Thank you, sir." Richard hung up the phone and stared ahead of him for a moment, before jumping out of his chair and grabbing his sports coat. He entered the living room and waited patiently as Lorelai and Emily came to a resting point in their conversation.

"Emily, Lorelai, I'm going out. I'll be home in an hour or two," he said, turning to Lorelai. "Will you be staying for dinner?"

"Is that an invitation?" Lorelai asked, teasing him.

"There's always an invitation for you. But yes, as a matter of fact, it was."

"Well, I did learn from Emily Post that you should send your regards at least two days before a dinner date, so I guess in the spirit of following etiquette I'll just have to accept," Lorelai winked. Richard smiled back at her and hurried out the door, eager to find out what Luke wanted to talk with him about.

Lorelai looked at her mother and laughed. "Business must be good."

Emily raised her eyebrows as she followed Richard with her eyes, "Tell me more about Luke."

Richard sipped on his wine, eyeing Luke carefully. "What makes you think I should let you marry my daughter?" He asked.

"Sir?" Luke replied, his palms sweating.

"Well, you just asked for permission to marry her. Other than what she's said about you to me, I know nothing about you or your intentions. Why would I give away my only daughter so easily."

Luke laughed at himself slightly. "Sorry. I practiced over and over again what I was going to say to you, and then I just went and forgot the most important part."

"Well, why don't you start over?" Richard asked, nodding at Luke.

"Sir, I love your daughter," Luke started, trying to pick his words carefully, and at the same time focus on the man in front of him. Richard seemed to be the person that would decide his entire fate. For one moment, the rest of the world, his entire life's happiness, rested on what he said to Richard, and how Richard replied. _Oh, God, give me the right words to say to him._ "I don't even know how to explain it. She's come into my diner every day for the past four years, and every day I look at her and fall in love with her all over again. She's… I don't know... I love her. I know her… I know what she needs and wants. I know her better than she knows herself. I know that I'll make her happy… I just want to be with her, forever."

Luke looked up at Richard. He was simply staring at him, no sound came from his mouth. No sign of familiarity, of yes or of no written across his face. Just a blank stare. Luke opened his mouth and began to speak quickly, nervously. He'd learned it from Lorelai. "Sir, I love her. I don't want to hurt her. I just want to be there for her, every day. I want to make her happy. I want to be there during anything and everything she goes through. You know? I mean, I know her past… I'm in her present. I want to be in her future, too."

Richard's head shot up. "You know her past?" He studied Luke carefully.

"Yeah… She told me a few weeks ago. We've been talking about it recently. I'm trying to help her get through it. I know she's still really hurt. But she's making progress. Talking to you definitely helped her…" Luke trailed off, unsure of how much to say in front of Richard.

"She told you about the baby?"

Luke nodded slightly.

"Well." Richard stated, taking another sip of his wine. "Treat her right."

Luke stared at him for a moment, "Wait. Does that mean…?"

"Make my daughter happy, Luke," Richard said, patting Luke's hand. "She's been punishing herself long enough."

Luke smiled and nodded, already beginning to plan the perfect proposal in his mind.


	20. Pretty, Pretty Luke

**A/N: You guys were absolutely stellar with the reviews! Thanks a bunch! Many of you may be expecting a different something in this chapter and you may be dissapointed, but I think this chapter is uber important. I hope you agree. I try not to just fill the story with meaningless chapters. So, review and let me know what you think. I update quicker when you do because then I know my faithful readers have read. I don' want to update so many chapters you can't catch up, if that makes sense. So, here you go. Enjoy!**

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Lorelai waltzed into the diner. "Luuuuuuke!" she screeched in a typically annoying fashion. "Lukey, I want coffee!"

"Why don't you ask for a grenade?" Luke asked, wiping his hands on his jeans and pouring her a cup of coffee, "That stuff'll kill you."

Lorelai smiled at him. "Thank you," she said, taking a sip. "Luke! This is exceptionally good coffee!" she exclaimed, staring at him wide-eyed.

"Stick around and maybe you'll get more," He replied, picking up the glass lid to the Danish container and sending a plate with a cheese Danish her way.

"It's not Danish Day," Lorelai replied, surprised.

"For you it is," he replied gruffly, putting the top back. He scanned the restaurant to make sure nobody needed anything, and then leaned against the counter across from her. "What's your day look like?"

"The usual. Brad Pitt is checking into the inn tonight though, so I think my whole evening is booked up," Lorelai nodded, as if trying to convince Luke.

"Brad Pitt, huh?"

"Yeah, he loves me."

"Right." Luke said, staring at her. "So, uh, do you want to do something tonight?"

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that," Lorelai started. "See, my friend Lydia is throwing this party tonight…"

"No," Luke said.

"…and I really think it would be a whole lot more fun if I had a date to go with. You know, the camel costume is a two-person suit and…"

"I don't do parties," Luke stated.

"Oh, come on Luke, live a little." Lorelai said, putting on her pouty face. "It'll be fun."

Luke looked at her for a minute before giving up in exasperation. "Oh, fine," he said, throwing his hands in the air. "What time?"

"I'll pick you up at 7," Lorelai said, grabbing another Danish and walking toward the door. "Dress appropriately, please…" she smiled and ducked out of the diner, leaving Luke to wonder why he ever agreed to go to the party.

Lorelai pulled up outside of the diner at 6:58. She sat in her car for two minutes, tidying up around her before she got out and went to the door of the diner. She laughed when she opened it, seeing Luke standing at the counter staring at her.

"Must have been pretty messy in there," Luke said. Lorelai blushed.

"I wanted to give you your two minutes…" she trailed off. "Just, come on, let's go."

Luke laughed and came from around the counter. She looked him up and down for a moment, smiling to herself. He'd always been handsome. Sometimes when she looked at him she saw the figure of a Greek god. Maybe nobody else did, but she did.

"You look nice," she said. He kissed her cheek and nodded, leading her out to the car.

"As do you," he replied. Lorelai looked down at her outfit. A green Care Bears shirt, blue jeans and sneakers. Not exactly the picture of beauty. "Although, I must ask you why you're wearing a Care Bears shirt…."

"You don't like it?" Lorelai pouted, climbing into the car. "It's one of my favorites."

"It's just a little young, is all," Luke replied. Lorelai grinned to herself and drove towards Lydia's house.

"Well, you're never too old or Care Bears," Lorelai replied. "Brad wanted me to tell you hi, by the way."

"Hi, Brad." Luke replied, rolling his eyes. "Did he bring Jennifer with him?"

"Luke!" Lorelai said, swatting his arm. "That is so last year."

"Sorry. I don't read _Star_," he replied. "Why are there balloons out in the yard?" Lorelai turned into the driveway and grinned.

"Make sure you grab that gift down by your feet."

"What?" Luke asked, picking up a box wrapped in Care Bears paper. "Gosh, what is it with you and the love bears anyway?"

"Luke, behave." Lorelai said, jumping out of the car. "Care Bears are what Christina likes."

"What?"

"Christina. My neice. It's her birthday today…" Lorelai trailed off, walking faster to the door.

"Lorelai! You didn't tell me this was a two-year old's birthday party!" Luke hissed.

"It's not." Lorelai replied simply.

"It's not?"

"No, it's a five-year-old's birthday party," she replied, opening the door and waking inside. "We're here!" She called, as three little girls came running up screaming.

Luke stared at the little girls as if they were foreign objects. "Auntie Lorelai, who is this?" Christina asked, tugging on Luke's shirt.

Lorleai crouched down to Christina's level and looked up at Luke, begging him to get down with her eyes. He obeyed and she tapped his hand. "This is my really, really good friend Luke. Is it okay I brought him?"

Christina looked back and forth from Luke to Lorelai, cupped her hand around Lorleai's ear and whispered loudly, "Is he gonna be my uncle Luke?"

Lorelai blushed and whispered back to Christina, "Maybe one day. Not today, though."

Christina nodded and took Luke's hand, dragging him into the room with all of the other girls. Lorelai smiled and watched them go. She wandered into the kitchen where Lydia and Laura were standing and handed the present to Lydia.

"Hello girls," she said, giving each of them a hug. They all murmured their hi's and how are you's and Lorelai poured herself a glass of wine and hopped on the counter.

"Did you bring him?" Lydia asked her, grinning. Lorelai nodded and Lydia and Laura both squealed in unison.

"How did you get him out of the diner?" Laura asked, shocked that burger boy would ever come to a four-year-old's birthday party.

"I told him Lydia was throwing a party and that if he didn't come I'd be shacking up with Brad."

Laura laughed. "So, he willingly came to the party?"

"Well, I didn't tell him it was a party for Christina…" Lorelai trailed off. Lydia and Laura burst into fits of giggles, each one of them giving Lorelai a high-five for her master deception skills. Lorelai smiled to herself and swirled the wine in her glass.

"What?" Laura asked, touching Lorelai's chin. "What are you thinking?"

"Nothing," Lorelai smiled, shrugging it off.

"You're so head over heels with him," Laura stated, matter-of-factly. "You want to marry him and make babies with him. I know that look."

"I've never had this look before," Lorelai protested, trying to defend herself.

"No, but both Lydia and I have when we were wanting to get married," Laura replied.

"Well, it's not going to happen soon. We haven't even said 'I love you' yet," Lorelai replied, a bit of hurt in her voice.

"So, say them," Lydia replied simply, as if it was as simple as tying your shoe.

"I'm not going to say them first!" Lorelai said, taken aback.

"Why not?" Laura asked.

"If I say them and he doesn't it'll be awkward and then I won't get free coffee or Danishes."

"Or…" Laura started, "you could say them, he could say them back, and you could get two free Danishes, and a free coffee."

"That's true," Lorelai said, pondering Laura's words. "No, he has to say it first. He's the man."

Laura laughed and rolled her eyes. "Let's go check on this hunk of yours." Lorelai grinned and hopped off the counter, following Laura and Lydia into the living room.

"Oh my gosh," Laura whispered, nudging Lorelai to look her way. Lorelai giggled lightly when she saw the sight in front of her. There was Luke, sitting at a round table in a chair that could barely hold the little girls, with earrings, a tiara and a bracelet on, drinking fake tea and trying to eat a plastic scone.

"Princess Emily, will you please pass the sugar?" The L's overheard him. Lorelai watched him, smiling, as he played with the girls. She could tell Christina seemed to really enjoy him. Every few minutes she would tell him that she found a new pair of earrings or a new hat that would look better with his outfit, and every time he would gladly replace the old with the new. Lydia snuck out and found a disposable camera and snapped a few shots of Luke in his Pretty, Pretty Princess attire.

Lorelai watched Luke, her eyes taking in all of the reasons she loved him, and all of the ways she could possibly love him in the future. Why was it, that all of a sudden, when she saw the man of her dreams with her niece, she fell for him harder than she ever had in the past four years.

Lorelai ran up behind Christina and put her hands over her eyes, "Guess who?" she disguised her voice.

"Umm…." The little girl stammered, pushing her hands to her face and feeling all around for Lorelai's hands. "Auntie Lorelai!" she screamed, smiling and jumping around into Lorelai's arms.

"Happy birthday, babe," Lorelai smiled, kissing her cheek. "Did you have a good Princess party?"

"Yes! I loved it. My favorite part was when Mr. Luke wore my princess outfit. He looked so silly."

Lorelai laughed, eyeing Luke out of the corner of her eye. "Yes, he did. But you looked like you were having fun."

Christina nodded vigorously. "Auntie Lorelai, do you love Luke?" she whispered, making sure he didn't hear her.

Lorelai turned around and looked at Luke, making sure she wouldn't let her secret out too early. "I'll tell you a secret," she whispered. "But you can't tell anybody, okay?"

The little girl nodded, "okay."

"I love Luke almost as much as I love you."

Christina's eyes went wide. "Wow… That's a whole lot of love 'cause you love me a lot!"

Lorelai smiled. "That's right. But I'll never love anybody more than I love my pretty, pretty princess." Christina smiled and hugged Lorelai, and then hopped out of her arms to go say goodbye to Luke.

"Bye Pretty Pretty Luke," she said, grinning. He laughed and crouched down to her level.

"Goodbye, Christina. I hope you had a good birthday."

"I did. You better come next year. You make a really good princess."

"Okay," Luke said, patting her head and giving her a small hug. He turned to Lorelai, "you ready?"  
She nodded and said her goodbyes, and then walked out the door holding Luke's hand.

"You were great tonight," Lorelai said. Luke smiled. "I know the girls really loved you."

"It was fun. I wish their would have been some men there, though."

"Oh, they were in the back having beers and watching football," Lorelai said, stopping. "I'm sorry, I completely forgot to tell you."

Luke studied her for a minute and then smiled. "It's alright." Lorelai smiled and climbed in the car, letting Luke drive home.

"Your niece is cute," he said.

"Most little girls are," Lorelai said, smiling. "I've always wanted one."

"Just one?" Luke asked, keeping his eyes on the road.

"Well, maybe more than one," Lorelai said, smiling to herself.

"I've always wanted a son." Luke said, "You know, someone to play baseball with and run track with and make fun of all the girls in the house with."

"Oh really?" Lorelai smiled.

"Yeah, I guess we'll just have to have both," Luke said simply, his eyes remaining on the road. Lorelai smiled to herself and sunk a little lower in her seat. He hadn't said that like he was testing it out, or even like he was just trying to humor her because they were in a relationship and that's what he was supposed to say. He had said it like they were married and they'd been talking about it for years. He had said it like there was no other option for him or for her. He had said it like they were going to have a boy and a girl, they were going to get married, make babies, and live happy ever after. He'd said it like it was some sort of guarantee.


	21. Vienna

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews guys! Only 5 chapters left! I am a huge fan of symmetry, and since Lorelai wrote a letter earlier in this fanfic, I thought I'd have Luke write one too. But to a different person. I hope you guys like it. I do! Review, Review, Review!**_

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_

_Dad,_

_I remember this one Billy Joel song that Mom liked. She used to sing it at the top of her lungs as she'd dance around the living room when I was younger. You used to sing it to Liz when she was little. It helped calm her and made her go to bed. Vienna. Remember it? Well, I've been thinking a lot about that song lately. It's the only song I really know the words to. Other than the McDonalds menu song, but that's another story. Anyway, in Vienna, there is this one line that says, "you know that when the truth is told you can get what you want or you can just get old." Well, unfortunately, I'm getting kind of old. But I'm sick of just getting old. I'm sick of flipping burgers, looking at myself in the mirror and seeing flannel and a stubble chin. So, I'm gonna tell you all about what I want. Because I always talked to you before I did anything major. I'm not gonna stop now._

_Her name is Lorelai. Lorelai Victoria Gilmore. And I want her. I want her so bad. You know how Mom used to give me that whole line about how someday I'd meet someone that I would want to spend the rest of my life with? Well, I met her. Lorelai. She drives me nuts. All the time. She comes into the diner and makes fun of me constantly. She mocks me like it's her job. She confuses me. All the time. She gets upset at the silliest things. She doesn't eat right. She dresses a little… unconventional sometimes. She never knows when to shut her mouth. Sometimes, she rambles for so long that I don't even know what's important anymore. She can talk about Mick Jagger longer than anyone else on this planet. Oh, and she's got these friends. They're cute and nice and she loves them, but the whole 'girl time' thing gets on my nerves every now and then. Oh, and sometimes she doesn't brush her hair. That's all._

_So, she's amazing. Because even with all of this stuff that gets on my nerves about her, she still made me fall for her. I know, me falling for someone. You and St. Peter are up there having a big laugh about that one, huh? Okay, so this Lorelai girl. She's on my mind constantly. She's the first girl in the history of my life that I have genuinely been okay with not having sex with. That makes me sound horrible. And it's not that I don't want Lorelai, I do. It's just that I'm into Lorelai. I'm into her for more than the sex. I want to spend forever with her, Dad. I can't even explain why. But she captivates my attention in this way that nobody else does. She's just… beautiful. Dad, if you were here, you'd be hitting on her too. I know you always say that Mom was the only girl for you, but if you'd seen Lorelai, you'd take it back. She's just… incredible. She reminds me of all of those girls in the movies. You know? Those famous ones. Like Sally. Remember Sally? The one that had the orgasm at the lunch table? Or like Jenny? The cancer girl that thought love meant never saying you're sorry? Or that girl Allie. The one that wanted to be a bird if whatever his name was wanted to be a bird? All of those heroines in the sappy movies. I know you probably hadn't seen any of those movies. It's because you're not a sap. Neither am I. But see, that's how much I love Lorelai. I love her enough that I want to be with her, even if it means watching sappy movies. Like I said, she drives me nuts._

_So anyway, Dad. I'm going to ask Lorelai to marry me. I don't have any idea how I'm going to do it. I'm not very creative, you know. But I talked to her Dad and he gave me permission… So I'm gonna do it. I bought the ring. I love her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her… But I don't know how she feels… We've never said I love you. In six years of friendship, we've never said I love you. We've hugged and kissed and talked, but never an I love you… Does that mean she doesn't love me? I don't think it does because I love her and I haven't said it. And why wouldn't someone love me? Don't answer that._

_So, Dad. For a really long time, you've been my family. You and Liz, but Liz is strange. You know, she's girl strange. But now, there's Lorelai. She's that one. That one that you want to be close to no matter what. That's her. She's the one. It doesn't matter to me if she's the only one I've got in the entire world. Even if everyone else leaves, I want her to be there. I'll be okay if she's there. So, I'm going to ask you, Dad… Would you mind if she's part of our family? Can I let her in? You okay with that?_

_I'm scared. I'm scared she'll say no. That she'll run off because she's not where I am. She doesn't love me, you know? But I need to try. I need to ask her. And I need to hope she says yes. And I don't know what kind of power you have up there in heaven, but if you have any sort of power over who your son ends up with and how things work out in his life, I'm asking you to please use it. I don't know. Make her fall in love with me or something. I want the whole deal with her, and you know I'm not a whole deal kind of guy._

_I love you Dad. I really do. And hopefully, soon, there will be a new Danes that loves you too._

_Luke_


	22. Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater

Lorelai's cell phone rang loudly as she walked down the streets of Stars Hollow. She'd just gone to Luke's for a Danish and coffee, but she'd been dismayed to find that Cesar was running the diner. Apparently, Luke had some sort of business he had to attend to in Hartford. Lorelai had been a little hurt that Luke hadn't told her what this business was. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hi Auntie Lorelai," the little voice squealed on the other line. Lorelai smiled when she recognized the deep, but cute, voice of her favorite five-year-old. Christina had always had a thing about calling Lorelai from exciting locations. And to Christina, every new place she went was an exciting location.

"Hey squirt," Lorelai smiled into the phone. "What are you up to?"

"I'm on my first date, Auntie Lorelai!" Christina squealed.

"Aren't you a little young for first dates?" Lorelai teased her.

"My mommy said it was okay. And I look really pretty, Auntie Lorelai. My hair is curly today. And Mommy let me wear some glitter on my face!"

"Oh wow," Lorelai said, "Glitter. That's a sure way to bring all of the boys in." Christina giggled. "Who's the lucky boy?"

Christina giggled more. "It's Mr. Luke!"

"Mr. Luke?" Lorelai asked, surprised. "My Mr. Luke?"

"No offense, Auntie Lorelai, but I'm the one out on the date with him. So now he's _my _Mr. Luke."

Lorelai pouted. "But I really, really like him."

"Me too," Christina squealed. "We went and saw a movie! It had ponies in it. Lots and lots of ponies."

"Oh wow," Lorelai said. "Was it good?"

"Yes," Christina said, telling Lorelai all about the movie. "Mr. Luke wants to talk to you, Auntie Lorelai."

"Okay sweetie," Lorelai smiled and twirled her hair around her finger. "But promise me something, okay?"

"Okay."

"Don't kiss on the first date."

"Eww!" Christina squealed. "Kissing is groooooss." Lorelai heard Luke snicker in the background as the phone was handed to him.

"Hi there."

"You're cheating on me, eh?" Lorelai asked, a hint of suspicion in her voice.

"Get used to it," Luke replied.

"What?"

"When we get married, I plan on taking our girls out on dates. Get used to sharing."

"Oh. Alright, then," Lorelai said, dismissing his comment. She laughed nervously.

"Christina and I want to go to the park. Will you come meet us?" Luke asked, half-laughing at something Christina had done.

"Of course I will," Lorelai smiled, and hung up the phone.

* * *

Lorelai pumped her legs harder and harder on the swing, propelling her to fly higher into the air. She took a deep breath of the fresh fall air and smiled as she looked down on the people walking around. She watched the kids with balloons and cotton candy and sighed. She was happy. She was content. She was in love with life.

"Auntie Lorelai!" a little voice called up to her. Lorelai looked down and smiled, seeing the little girl with pigtails staring up at her waving. Luke was holding on to her other hand, and for the first time, Lorelai looked at them and could see a family. She could see Luke holding their daughter's hand, not Lydia's daughter's hand. And she could see them being happy ever after. She smiled and jumped off the swing, letting herself roll over the green grass toward her two favorite people in the world. She smiled as she landed at Christina and Luke's feet. Christina bent down and crawled on top of her, giving her a huge hug.

Lorelai laughed, "Hi." Christina grinned and kissed her face and scrunched her nose against Lorelai's. Lorelai smiled and lifted her up into the air. "You look so pretty," Lorelai said, smiling. "I love that outfit! Did you wear it on your date?"

"Yes," Christina said, looking down at her jean skort and sparkly jacket. "Mommy did my hair. Do you like it?" She patted her pigtails and posed for Lorelai, laughing. Lorelai smiled and reached her hand up for Luke so he could help her up. Luke squeezed her hand softly and helped her up.

"I'm going to go swing. I'll let you two girls talk for a while," Luke smiled and winked at Christina, who put her hands in the O-kay sign. Luke laughed, kissed Lorelai on the forehead, and went to the swings.

"What was that about?" Lorelai asked Christina, smiling.

"We're super secret best buddies," Christina said. "We even did the pinky swear!"

"The pinky swear? Oh man, that's serious!" Lorelai said.

Christina jumped on her foot lightly and looked over at Luke. He nodded slightly at her."Auntie Lorelai, I'm hot. Will you help me take off my sparkly jacket?" Lorelai nodded and Christina turned around, letting Lorelai take her jacket off. Lorelai folded it and stuck it in her purse. "All better?"

Christina turned around and nodded. Lorelai smiled at her and glanced down at her shirt and gasped. "Where did you get this?"

"Mr. Luke gave it to me," Christina said. "Will you read me what it says?" Lorelai took a deep breath.

"You know how to read, Christina," she said, softly. Christina nodded and smiled at Lorelai. "Okay, I'll read it to you."

Lorelai nodded. "I'd like that."

"It says… _Luke loves Lorelai_." Christina said, reading it slowly.

"Read it again," Lorelai said, still staring at the shirt.

"_Luke loves Lorelai."_ Christina read again, as Lorelai's eyes went wide. She looked past Christina to see Luke on the swing, stopped and watching her reaction. She smiled slightly and whispered into Christina's ear.

"Don't tell, but I love him too." Christina smiled.

"Close your eyes and stick your hand out," She ordered. Lorelai laughed and did as she was told. Christina reached into her pocket, pulled out the contents and stuffed them into Lorelai's hand. She closed Lorelai's hand. "Keep your hand closed and walk with me." Lorelai nodded as Christina led her over to Luke. Luke smiled at Christina, took Lorelai's other hand, and nodded for Christina to go play in the sand.

"Open your eyes," Luke whispered. Lorelai opened them and stared into his, smiling.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"Open your hand."

Lorelai opened her hand, glancing down. She gasped when she saw the contents. A beautiful, white silver, diamond ring.

"Luke…"

"Marry me."

Lorelai looked down at the ring in her hand, and then back up at Luke.

"Lorelai, I love you. I, uh, I don't know how to say what I feel… But that works, right?" He bit his lip and looked up at her.

"Sure, that works," Lorelai said, putting her hand over his. "It works really well, actually. I think I could get used to it."

"Will you marry me, Lorelai?"

"I can do that," Lorelai said softly, squeezing his hand. "I want to do that."

"You do?"

"Yes, Luke. I love you. I want to marry you too."

Luke smiled and pulled her closer and kissed her softly. He took the ring out of her hand and slipped it on her finger. She grinned up at him as Christina ran over and wrapped her arms around Lorelai's legs.

"Does that mean I can call him Uncle Luke now?" She squealed, jumping up and down.

"Yes, it does." Lorelai smiled, picking her up and cradling her in her arms.

* * *

**A/N: There! I hope you liked it, now that we've gotten to "the part." My aunt and uncle announced they were pregnant again this way, and I thought it would be a cute proposal idea, so I went with it. Just a few more chapters and then this story will be wrapped up :) the sooner you review the sooner I update**


	23. Orgasm Shampoo

Lorelai sprinted into her room, her breaths heavy and her cheeks rosy. She pulled her sweat-soaked shirt off and undid the laces on her shoes. She pushed them off her feet, and bent down to pull her socks off, hopping around on one foot. She sighed and fell back on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. She smiled and took a deep breath, breathing in the clean air of her room. For the first time, she actually smelled that Vanilla Glade air freshener she'd paid $3.79 for. She smiled, eyes closed. It was as if all of a sudden, she could hear and feel and taste and touch colors swirling all around her. It was like she was stuck inside of a rainbow, and it was swirling all around her. She was refreshed. She'd just run for eight miles, but she was refreshed. The colors, the fragrances, they'd all overtaken her. She ran her hands over the soft purple comforter, sighing softly. She let her freshly manicured feet run over the comforters, her toes curling up and sighs escaping her body.

Lorelai grinned and sat up in bed, pulling her knees to her chest. She let out a loud squeal and jumped up and down on the bed, grinning and letting her happiness overtake her. When she'd let out the longest squeal of her life and then picked up her phone and dialed faster, unable to catch her breath as giggles and squeals threatened to engulf her like tsunami waves.

"Hello?" Laura asked. Lorelai giggled in response. "Lorelai?" Lorelai squealed. "Lorelai, what's going on?"

Lorelai grinned into the phone. "You. Lydia." Lorelai giggled more. "Come now." She squealed and bounced on the bed again, and then let out a small, but happy sigh. She hung up the phone, climbed off the bed, stripped off her clothes and climbed in the shower. She looked up at the shampoos and conditioners that were stacked inside of her shower. Herbal Essences. She laughed to herself. _I don't need the orgasm shampoo. I'm so happy I make orgasms look bad. _Lorelai grinned at the thought and let the water flow over her body. She tilted her head upward and drank the water, pretending she was standing under a waterfall. She was still in the shower when she heard the door open downstairs. She grinned and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a bright-patterned towel around her waist. It was one of those extra-large towels that wrapped around you from shoulders to knees that made you feel like the best thing on earth was wrapping up in a towel after you'd taken a shower. She grinned and smelled the edge of the towel. It smelled like flowers. She smiled and tucked the top of the towel under itself, securing it around herself. Just as she got it finished, Lydia and Laura burst into the room. Lorelai grinned and jumped in place, and then ran over to her bed and flopped herself on it, a loud squeal escaping her lips.

"Lorelai, what are you on?" Lydia asked, laughing. She laid down on the bed, resting her head on Lorelai's stomach. Laura followed suit, resting her head in the opposite direction of Lydia's.

"Okay, are you guys ready for this?" Lorelai asked, grinning.

"YES!" They said in unison.

"I'm getting married!" Lorelai said in a sing-song voice.

Lydia and Laura squealed. "Lorelai!" They grinned and flipped over to look at her face. The three of them spent fifteen minutes just staring at each other, grinning.

Fifteen minutes later, Lorelai broke the silence. "Let's go try on dresses!" Lydia and Laura grinned and jumped out of bed. Lorelai sprinted down the stairs, opened the door, took a step outside and then ran back inside. "I'm in a towel!" she shrieked up the stairs. Lydia and Laura laughed and threw her clothes. Ten minutes later, they were on their way.

Lorelai spun in the white dress, staring at herself in the mirror. The white cloth hung around her body perfectly. She placed her hands on her stomach and smiled. She ran them up the bodice of her dress, feeling the beads adorning it. She stopped twirling and looked at herself in the mirror. She gasped at herself and smiled. Everything was perfect. The small straps holding the dress up. The way it dipped low in her back. Where it sat on her hips. How it looked with her eyes. She reached over to the shelf and pulled a tiara off and slipped it on her head. She smiled at herself.

"Oh my gosh," Laura gasped, coming up to stand next to Lorelai in front of the mirrors.

"You look gorgeous," Lydia said, resting her head on Lorelai's right shoulder. The girls smiled at themselves in the mirror. Lydia, in a beautiful, pale yellow dress. Laura, in a matching pink one. And Lorelai, in the middle. In the white dress. She was no longer 'always the bridesmaid, never the bride'. Now, she was the bride. She smiled at herself in the mirror. This was her life. This was where she'd ended up. Standing in front of a mirror in the most beautiful dress in the world with her best friends beside her, looking forward to a beautiful wedding with a beautiful man who would give her a beautiful life.

* * *

Lorelai sank into the big chair in her living room, a copy of her favorite book and a glass of tea next to her. She smiled as she looked over at the book. She'd spent all day with her girls, the famous L's, the ones she'd entrust everything in the world to. For right now, they were the only ones who knew about her and Luke. There were five people that knew that her life was going to change drastically. The bride, the groom, a five-year-old, and the Ls. Lorelai had relished in that fact all day, but now she wanted to tell her mother. She wanted her father to know. She wanted her family to know.

Lorelai smiled and got out of the chair. She slipped her flip flops on, grabbed her keys, and drove the forty-five miles to Hartford. She knocked on the dark mahogany doors and waited for the maid to answer. It was 10:30. Her parents would just be going to bed, but Lorelai wouldn't let that stop her. Her parents deserved to know; she wanted them to know. When the maid opened the door, Lorelai smiled at her, said a quick hello, and ran upstairs to her parents' bedroom. She knocked on the door sharply, three times. "Mom? Dad?"

"Lorelai?" She heard her father's voice from the other side of the door. Moments later her father opened the door, dressed in a robe and slippers. He opened the door and Lorelai jumped into his arms, smiling and tears running down her cheeks. Her mother got out of bed and made her way toward the two, wrapping her arms around them.

"Lorelai, what's this about?" She asked, wiping Lorelai's tears away like she'd done so many years before.

Lorelai smiled and held up her hand, showing off her engagement ring. "Luke." She grinned as her parents hugged her tighter, enveloping her with their arms. "It was so cute, Mom… He had Christina wear this shirt that said _Luke Loves Lorelai_ on it, and she had the ring like it was a secret and…" Lorelai trailed off with a squeal. Her parents laughed.

"He's a good man, that Luke," her father said.

"You've never met him," Lorelai laughed.

"I have," Richard replied, "He came to me a few weeks ago. Wanted to tell me how he felt about you."

"Really?" Lorelai asked.

"Really. Permission granted." Richard smiled and patted Lorelai's head.

"Thank you Daddy," Lorelai smiled. Richard nodded and crawled back in bed. Emily took her daughter's hand, kissed her forehead, and led her downstairs to the kitchen. "Chocolate chip cookies, milk, and girl talk," she smiled.

Lorelai nodded. "That sounds great."


	24. Ready for this?

It was a spring day. Leaves were falling all around Lorelai's feet. Her perfectly pedicured feet. Her shoes fit perfectly on her feet. Normally, when Lorelai wore heels, it seemed that the edges either ended too early or too late. Her foot was either too fat or too narrow for any pair of shoes. It drove Lorelai nuts. But on this day, her wedding day, it seemed as if her foot was perfect. She smiled as she looked down. Her wedding dress hung perfectly on her. The white satin grazed over her feet just slightly. It hung to her hips—not too tight, but tight enough that one could tell she had a figure. It accentuated all of her best features, and it hid all of the ones she wasn't fond of. She loved her dress; she'd loved it since the day she tried it on, just seven months earlier with Lydia and Laura. She smiled and ran her thumb across the petals of the violets she was holding. They looked perfect. She'd picked the perfect flower. She had violets done up in her hair. The violets were fastened on to some old, rusty clips that her great-grandmother had worn in her hair on her wedding night. Every Gilmore woman had worn them on her wedding night, and Lorelai wasn't going to break that habit. Her something old and something borrowed fit perfectly together. Her something blue had been obvious from the get-go; her eyes. They were a brighter blue than anything man-made, and Luke loved them. She wouldn't dream of using anything else as her blue. And the something new. Well, she knew it was there. It was this feeling. This feeling that everything could be okay. This feeling that forgiveness was complete. That she could let go of the old, nagging feeling that she'd hurt her baby, that she had done wrong, and that she was never going to be okay again. She was ready to go, with her something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue. She was ready to get married.

Christina came up to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Lorelai smiled when Christina touched the tiara lightly and gushed, "You look like a princess, Auntie Lorelai." Laura and Lydia had smiled, watching them. Both had to agree with the little girl. Lorelai looked gorgeous. Neither of them could believe that Lorelai had finally made it to her wedding day. They'd had so many conversations about Lorelai. They'd always thought she'd get married eventually. A woman like Lorelai isn't the type to grow old with only cats to feed. They'd watched, painfully, as man after man had waltzed into Lorelai's life, and man after man had been pushed away after getting too close. Lorelai had never wanted to be hurt again, but for once, finally, she'd taken that risk. And here she was, beautiful, radiant, on her wedding day.

The march started up and Christina waltzed down the aisle, dropping violets on the ground like one would rose petals. Lorelai smiled as her father took her arm. He patted her arm softly, lent down and kissed her cheek. "I'm so proud of you," he whispered in her ear. Before she could turn her head to reply, he'd started marching her down the aisle. She smiled as they walked, left-right-left-right-left-right. It was perfect, in sync. She looked ahead of her at the man waiting for her. He looked stunning in his tuxedo; she could hardly believe it. He smiled at her, and she had to hold on to her father tighter to keep from melting to her shoes. He had this look in his eye, this look that told her how deeply he cared for. A look that told her that everything would be okay. This look that said it all.

And she kept walking. Not knowing what the future would hold, just knowing that it would hold something. She kept walking to her burger boy in a tuxedo. She kept walking to the possibility of more, the possibility of overcoming. And when she stopped at the altar, she felt ready to tackle anything.

Luke sprawled across the couch in the cabin they'd rented for the week, one arm resting on the back of the couch and holding a glass of wine, the other dangling off the edge of the couch. He put his feet up on the arm of the other side and took a glass of wine. He was in the mountains with Lorelai. He was in the mountains with Lorelai, his wife. It hadn't quite sunk in yet. She'd looked beautiful earlier. He had been torn as he stood there, waiting for her to reach him during the wedding march. He'd been torn between viewing her as the most beautiful woman in the world, between lusting after her and adoring her. He had a little bit of both. It was understandable, though. He'd been with Lorelai for over a year, and they'd never succumbed to the pressure of having sex. It wasn't that Luke didn't want to. He just knew that Lorelai wasn't ready. And as much as she had prepared herself for her honeymoon night, he knew there was a big possibility she might not be ready tonight, either. And although he was more than ready to love all of Lorelai with all of himself, he wanted her to be okay. He needed her to be okay.

He smiled when she came out of the bathroom in blue jeans and a t-shirt. She looked like a porcelain doll before she got dressed up. Her hair was still stiff on her head from all of the hairspray, and her face was still made-up, but the rest of her looked as natural as can be. He patted his lap lightly and when she came and sat down, he smiled. She reclined against his chest, nestling her head in the crook of his neck. He smiled and brought the wine glass to her lips, giving her a taste. She kissed him and smiled. He was more in love with her than he'd ever been before. Every moment he fell for her again. He smiled and looked down the couch. Their toes were intertwined. He could hardly tell where his gruff, manly feet began and where her French-pedicured, soft toes began. He didn't mind. From now on, that was his life. Everything was intertwined with Lorelai.

"I love you," Lorelai said softly. She whispered it, almost like a secret. Luke smiled back. Had she said it at another time, he might have reacted differently. He might have wondered why she'd whispered it. Why hadn't she shouted it over the rooftops like he'd been dying to do since the day she walked into the diner. But this, this was intimate. This was close. It was as if her love for him was so vast and huge that nobody else could even understand it. Her love was a secret; it was something only he could know. It was something not many people heard. Not many people could feel the loudness of Lorelai's love underneath her whisper, but he could.

He smiled at her and nodded. "I know," he said, and she returned his smile. He ran his fingers through her hair and gave her another sip of wine. She smiled and sighed contentedly. They laid on the couch together for a good hour, neither of them speaking, just enjoying each other. Enjoying nothing but the silence and the comfort that came with that silence. His mother had once told him that only those comfortable with each other could sit in total silence. It had sent him thinking for days, and finally, he had realized it was true. When you sat silently with someone, you trusted them. There was something intimate about silence. Something so utterly intimate that even sex didn't seem to compare.

He realized he'd closed his eyes in the process of thinking about silence, and when he opened them, he found Lorelai, staring into them with all of her love. Sometimes, when she looked at him, he could feel the love radiating out of her eyes and just burning his skin. It wasn't in a bad way. It was in that painful way that for some reason felt so good. Like after a run. His legs would be burning, but the runners high was so extreme that it wasn't even complete without the pain. That's how Lorelai's stares felt; there was a pain that came with them of knowing how completely vulnerable they both were, but when there was that love, that acceptance, there was a runner's high that could mask anything.

He smiled at her as she pressed her lips to his. She changed position so that she was facing him and she smiled, touching his clean-shaven face. "Luke," she whispered, softly, kissing his jaw. He rolled his head back to give her more access, and at first, she looked shell-shocked, but she planted light, sensitive kisses on his neck. Luke sat up slowly and kissed her cheek.

"Lorelai," he said tenderly, "are you sure you're ready for this? We don't have to do it now if you're not."

Lorelai smiled at him somewhat nervously. "You're going to have to talk me through it, but I can do it." Luke nodded and kissed her again. She touched his face and stared into his eyes and said firmly, "I love you, and I'm scared. But I want you. And I need you. And I trust that when this is over, I'll wonder why in the world I was ever scared. I trust you." She smiled at him, tears gathering in her eyes. He kissed her nose and wiped her tears away, as he kissed her more passionately.

As their clothes fell on the floor in the midst of a tornado of passion and infatuation, the steps of healing had finished their course. When all was said and done, Lorelai laid awake in bed, wrapped in white sheets and Luke's strong arms. She laid her head against his chest, and she could hear his heart beating. She smiled and kissed his chest softly. She burned and hurt from the pain, but she was grateful for it. The pain signaled forgiveness and healing. The pain that came only from a first-time experience had come back during her second, and for this Lorelai was truly grateful. She smiled and looked up at the ceiling, closed her eyes, and whispered a soft, quiet, _Thank you. _ She then closed her eyes, scooted closer to Luke, and fell asleep.


	25. Salvation Is Here

* * *

Lorelai sat on the bed holding a picture frame in her hands, her finger glossing over the silver embossing lining the edges of one of her favorite pictures of all time. It was her and Luke many years ago, pushing the kids in a tire swing. Somehow, whoever was taking the picture had managed to get all five of their faces in it, smiling and happy. The kids were young then, three, four and six. So many years younger than they are now. Lorelai looked them over and smiled. She reached out her finger and ran it over the trace of the six-year-old's body. Her pigtails had ribbons tied at the end of them, she was missing three front teeth, but she was grinning loud as can be.

_Her Emma. _Lorelai remembered the day she was born. It was a perfect spring afternoon, and even though Lorelai was cursing like a sailor, she had never felt more alive than she did that afternoon. She was in labor with Emma for twenty-three hours. The doctor had told Lorelai that if she'd lived fifty years earlier, both she and Emma probably would have died in childbirth. Lorelai had lost so much blood with that girl. But when Emma came and she looked into those beautiful blue eyes, it was as if all the pain in the world had disappeared. All of the heaviness in her heart had lifted and in it's place had come a love that she didn't realize even existed. There was this something in her arms, this baby girl who was so perfect. So utterly perfect that Lorelai hadn't even imagined it could happen that way. Lorelai remembered Luke's expression when he saw her. He smiled. Luke seldom smiled, but whenever Emma bounced into the room, he couldn't help it.

Lorelai remembered how they'd named her. Lorelai had been dead-set on calling the baby Emma. She wanted to honor her mother and she thought Emma was a good name; it could go with any child. Not only was it old-fashioned and beautiful, but it was also new and modern and it had a bit of oomph to it. Lorelai liked that. However, Luke wanted Allison. For some reason, he'd had the desire to name his child Allison ever since Lorelai had made him watch The Notebook with her. Well, he wouldn't say that was why, but Lorelai was positive of it. All diner men have sensitive sides, and that was his. Unsurprising to their friends, Lorelai and Luke picked the name by drawing out of a hat. Lorelai put _Emma_ in the hat, and Luke put in _Allison._ Since Lorelai held the baby, Luke drew. And of course, he drew the name Allison. Lorelai remembered what happened next perfectly. The doctor looked at Luke and asked him what the baby's name was, and Luke replied, "Emma. Her name is Emma." Lorelai fell in love with the man all over again when he did that. So her name was Emma. Emma Lorelai Danes.

She was a lot like her mother, so the name fit her nicely. She was extremely stubborn, even as a young child. She was the protector of the family. Whenever Luke and Lorelai fought, Emma would take her siblings hands, put them in their rooms and turn on the radios so they wouldn't hear it. Emma could always cheer up her younger brother and sister. They adored her. Whenever Lorelai looked at Emma, she was amazed. Absolutely amazed by how incredible she was. As she grew up, she got into acting, and singing and dancing, but she was never that good at any of the three. But she tried. She ended up running track, just like her father. Luke used to say she ran like the wind but she ate like the devil. She just loved to feel the cool air at her back, and she loved eating junk food. And who could blame her, she'd spent nine months inside of her mother before ever meeting the man who created her.

Today Lorelai's little Emma was now a big-time journalist in New York City. She was beautiful and loved to read. She was married to a high-society man and came home to visit often. She went by Emma with her friends, but Luke always called her his little Rory. When she was two, she'd gone through a phase where every day when Luke came home she'd greet him at the door by roaring and putting her claws up. They'd roar at each other until dinner started. And so, she became his Rory.

And then there was Lydia. Lydia came out with a smile that just made you feel like everything was okay in the world. Lorelai had thought Lydia was the perfect name for her since Lydia the first was always the same way. Lydia was born with blue eyes, but just a few days later they surprised everyone by turning brown. Nobody knew where it came from, but apparently Luke's grandfather had eyes the color of dirt, and so that's where Lydia's came from. But mixed with Lorelai's dark hair, she was a real beauty. Even when she was born she was lean. She was twenty-five inches long, but she was only six pounds, which on a twenty-five inch long baby, isn't very much fat. Lorelai always loved Lydia because Lorelai lost half her baby fat when her water broke, and the other of it she lost when Lydia came out.

Lydia kept her sensitive side all the time while growing up. She blended into the background easily, but she was always hard to miss. There was something about Lydia that captivated everyone. A quiet desperation to her, maybe. When Lydia looked at you, she really looked at you. She looked deep into your eyes and it was almost like she could read right through you. She was amazing at reading people. She used to come home late at night and Lorelai would be cooking dinner, and she'd go up to Lorelai, tap her on the shoulder, and just stare into her eyes. She did it every day for three months, and when she was done, every day, she would say to Lorelai, "Mommy, you're the happiest girl in the whole world." And Lorelai would always have to agree with her.

When Lydia was sixteen, a friend of hers had gone out and vandalized school property. Lydia was at home when he called her, a complete wreck because he knew he'd done something stupid. He kept threatening to hurt himself, and Lydia would try and comfort him. She'd tried to go find him, but she had no cell phone and her car's battery had died, so she was confined to the house, waiting for him to call back. When he'd finally called back, she'd listened on the phone as he shot himself. Lydia had been devastated. She'd been so traumatized by the incident she didn't know what to do with herself. All she knew was that she wanted to help people get out of that situation. And so she'd gone to school to be a therapist. And she'd done an excellent job. Lorelai was so proud of her quiet little girl. Lorelai sometimes chuckled because however much Lydia had come into the world with the resemblance of Lorelai's famous "L" sister Lydia, she'd grown up to be the spitting image of Laura.

A year after Lydia was born, William Richard came into the world. He was a big boy. Lorelai hurt every time she even thought about the eleven-pound baby she gave birth to. She decided after William never to give birth to a big baby again. He was perfect though. He looked like a mix of his grandfather and Luke. Broad shoulders, handsome grin, and he came out wearing a backwards baseball cap and talking Economics to all the babies in the cribs next to him.

When William was a baby, the only vegetables he'd eat were squashed yams. Emma used to tease him whenever she tried to get him to eat, calling him "Yammy boy." The name had stuck and all around Stars Hollow, William was known as "Yam." He and Luke would go walking down the street, or they'd play football in the yard and everyone would look at them and say, "Well, there's Butch and Yam." They were inseparable, Butch and Yam were. So it was no wonder that Yam had grown up to be a running back for the football team. His broad shoulders and fast legs had moved him up to first-string his sophomore year, and mixed with his amazing math capabilities, he'd done just fine in school. He'd even recieved a full-ride scholarship to Yale, playing on their football team and graduating first in his class as an Economics major. He'd gone on to graduate school and become a TA for his grandfather, watching as other young, brilliant minds tried to conquer Global Economics. Of course, nobody could match up.

Lorelai stared down at the picture for a minute and looked at his face. Dark hair, blue eyes. Everything she ever wanted. She remembered why they'd given him the name they had. He was different. There was no luck involved; there was no waiting until he popped out to see what suited him. As soon as they'd found out it was a boy, Lorelai and Luke had picked the name right off the bat. They'd had a fight two months after Lydia was born. Neither of them could remember why, but they both remembered that it was bad. Afterwards, they'd came back together and talked through it, each of them forced to forgive the other for the many wrongs they'd forgotten to correct. When they'd found out they were pregnant again just a month later, they'd chuckled. Luke had always said that make-up sex almost made fighting worth it, but Lorelai had never believed him until Yam had come along. They'd decided to name him after the two greatest men they knew: their fathers.

Lorelai and Luke had realized sitting on the cold table at the obstetrician's office that the only reason Lorelai was pregnant was because of their fathers. Both Lorelai and Luke had learned about forgiveness from them, and it was that lesson that gave them the courage and strength to move on together. Luke had told Lorelai when they were dating about the time he'd tried to drive his father's truck when he was fourteen and he'd ended up crashing it into the hardware store, causing thousands of damages. He remembered how his father had rushed up to him, pulled him out of the car and asked him if he was okay. He'd never scolded Luke for driving the truck, even though most parents would have. He'd understood that the worried look on Luke's face was enough of a warning to him. In that instance, when Luke thought that his father was going to disown him forever, his father had mercy on him. He took him inside and said to him, "Son, you're my son no matter what, and I love you. Always forgive those you love because the ones you love are the only ones who can hurt you." Lorelai's story was similar in virtue, if not in actuality. Pregnant at sixteen and miscarried just a few short weeks later. Years later, telling her father and having him wrap his arms around her as she sobbed into his chest. He'd never once scolded her, just took her into his arms and showed her an incredible love she'd never felt before. It had healed her, just like Luke's father's love had healed him. Their fathers had given them the greatest gift of all, Lorelai knew as she touched the picture frame one last time and set it back on the bed stand. They'd given them the ability to move on, be healed, and forgive.

"Lorelai," Luke's voice interrupted her, and she looked up to see him standing at the doorway, his hair more gray than before. She smiled. There were lines on his face and he was heavier than he had been when he was younger, but to her, he was as handsome as ever. She knew he felt the same way. She wiped a tear from her eye and stood up, heading towards the doorframe to meet Luke. He smiled at her and took her hand, leading her downstairs. "Dance with me," he said.

She smiled up at him and let him lead her outside, surrounded by happy couples all around. He pulled her close and she rested her head on his chest, watching the couples moving all around her. She smiled as she stopped on a breathtaking young woman in white. The woman caught her eye and smiled, and when Lorelai smiled back, she could feel the tears filling in her eyes. She watched as the young woman tapped her partner's shoulder and when he turned around and looked at her, Lorelai couldn't help but feeling prouder of her son than she had in her entire life.

As she scanned the room, her gaze landed on each of her children. She noticed how incredibly happy each of them looked. There were smiles, and sparkles in their eyes. Lorelai couldn't help but let a tear fall on Luke's shoulder as she looked up to the midnight sky and thought about how far she'd come.

I dare you to move  
I dare you to move  
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor  
I dare you to move  
I dare you to move  
Like today never happened  
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout  
Welcome to resistance  
The tension is here  
Between who you are and you could be  
Between how it is and how it should be

She smiled and watched as a star twinkled in the sky. She listened to the sounds of laughter all around her. She took a breath of the fresh air that surrounded her. She smelled the perfumes of all the different women on the patio, and she looked up at God and smiled. _Maybe forgiveness was right where I fell, _she whispered softly. _But now I know, salvation is here._


End file.
